I’ve carried a lot on my chest for several years now. And a lot of it was resentment towards my mother. She has always been depressed as we were growing up because of the terrible divorce she went through when I was around 7. It feels like she was lonely or something and she was always wrapped up in her depression/problems. She would watch a lot of romance movies. And at one point she would watch things that had sexual content. I was around 11 years old at that time and I struggled a lot with sexual sin (we’re christian). She stopped watching it and repented and everything. But she never knew how much it affected me and how much I suffered from the sin and all the shame. I finally stopped the sin and I know God forgave me and I forgave myself. But the resentment towards mom for exposing my young mind to that stuff just kept on building up over time. It was hard to forgive her. The thing is she has always been so wrapped up in herself and we always felt like she didn’t really see us. We all went through so much anger and feeling of rejection. My other sister felt so alone at one point that she started reading novels and got into the same thing I did. And she also asked God to forgive her and got over it. But then she still had anger from feeling ignored and started cutting herself. She told me and I talked to her and she stopped doing it. When all of this was going on I wanted to talk to our mom so much but she would always get defensive and we could never tell her what was eating us apart. So last night she was complaining about why we were all acting out and showing anger towards her and etc. So I gathered up my courage and told her everything about us. She was really quiet for a long time and then said I have nothing to say. I’m sorry I’m a terrible mother. We talked for a little more and then went to sleep. I felt like I could finally start forgiving her because I got closure on all the stuff and all the hurt. But I also knew that I put a lot of burden on her. It seemed like she was just ignoring our family problems and always being angry and irritated with us, like were were horrible children who hate her. So I felt like I had to open her eyes to see that we’re all hurting because she’s pretty much ignored our problems and made it so hard for us to open up. So I told her everything. And we talked about how we need to change and I promised to be more respectful and obedient. But when she got home today she looked so tired and sad… it made me wish I didn’t say anything… I dont know what to do. I want to tell her that I’m not angry at her and that we all forgive her for neglecting us. I just want things to get better… Did I do the wrong thing?
You told her the hard stuff, now tell her what you wanna say, that you aren’t angry at her and you forgive her. Do what it takes to comfort her. Clearing the air really is smart, so you probably did the right thing. But you have to follow through. You got your closure, now she needs hers.
No sometimes people need a wake up call and you did goo but now you should probably be more close to her, obviously it was really hard for her to go through the divorce and all that I think she needs a lot of support from her family so just go to your mom and tell her you love her and everything will be alright and that you forgive her :] the past is the past anyway you’re not doing any good to yourself just thinking about it forgive and forget.
It happens in every family.
Don’t worry, you were hurting too, and now its off your chest, apologize and you both can heal.
By the way, its good you forgave yourself for seeing this natural thing the real world calls sex, and its television portrayals. Not a big deal. Don’t ever feel guilt over this natural pleasure (which btw, brought you into this world)
It’s cool, bro.