The sky looks flat, looming down upon me:
heat waves blur the road, my view is warped.
I contemplate alone, each distant anomaly
weigh alternatives to futures I’ve divorced.
I could let fear take me down and be defeated,
if I was not already more than halfway up.
Don’t Look Back – a story in dreams repeated.
In my own hands, that knife no longer cuts.
Affiliates that exploited and disarmed me
do not want me to have any choices.
I can’t count how often complacence has harmed me.
It echoes in accusatory voices.
When I come up on an obstacle, I discern
the other side to old and futile attempts…
my stalwart sense of hope and Love return.
The blessings that I receive are immense.
Hi there. You are the second person I call wise today. A wise woman who knows how to deal with difficulties and problems and more importantly, knows how to write a poem. Do you know what I do when I face an obstacle? i sit alone and think, think, and think without even trying to solve it. I just think and wait for it to get solved naturally or fade slowly in time. A weak man I am.
Your poem is very good and well written. I only would suggest you work on S2L4. I can’t relate to the knife. all else is magnificent.
I majored in lit in college. I’d say for this poem, you need some background on the poet.
It starts out kinda sad, with the view. ‘Futures I’ve divorced’ most like refers to abandoned hopes and dreams.
The ‘Don’t look back’ and knife reference is probably about getting over painful memories. That it no longer cuts implies hope. Or possibly numbness.
The stuff on complacency probably means he feels he let someone down by not doing something he should have done. Thus the accusatory voices.
The last paragraph is a bit more complicated. My sense is that the narrator learned his life lessons and acted accordingly, thus the immense blessings.
This guy sounds like a soldier to me. One that believes that not taking action at some crucial moment caused others harm. Now he’s turned that attitude around, and found some peace. He gave up old and futile attempts and took a different approach to life, and he’s starting to find his life more rewarding.
I don’t generally like poems, but my parents spents thousands that they didn’t have so I could learn to interpret then. I’m more about novels, though.
Again, you’d probably benefit from knowing something of this writer’s life. This one is pretty personal, beyond the general sense of the beauty and cruelty of the world I often see in lesser poems.
You did not ask for a title but I would call it ":Wresting My Self Away From My Senses":
A well conceptualized, superior poem
that I think would benefit in reach,
if written in second person.
Hi, Um yer probly gonna hate me, but I wanted to read L 1, S 1
looming (comma) weighing upon me.
Forgive me. The poem doesn’t speak in riddles though,and even through what some of us know and some others might interpret, it’s message is pretty up front. I admit I can’t say nice, and maybe not even I enjoyed it, but I sure can relate to it. Certainly the uplifting lines are the last two.
I tripped on THAT. Otherwise, clear and powerful.
The blessings I’ve received are so immense.
Wish I were as together as all that.
FC you write with confidence, why do I say that? I have to answer that now, DON’T I?
You post your piece without a title and, you do not ask your audience to provide you with one. I think that more than justifies the opening words to my answer, which is not really an answer, IS IT?
Do I need to repeat it? Ok! YOU WRITE WITH CONFIDENCE.
No! on this one you took me there, teased me but never showed me clearly the direction you intended to show me/us. Why did I say US? I speak for myself.
Am I talking a load of old tripe? Do I care? Of course I do….lol
I would like to take this opportunity of publicly thanking the first TD. YOU HAVE A NICE DAY.. I hope you go on to BETTER THINGS in life…
Good strong message delivered loud and clear,
and coming through in each and every stanza…
":Heat waves blur the road": is an excellent visual image, but I find the remainder of the piece forced.
its good to see in the final analyses you trust your instincts