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Will the pain and tears ever stop?


I am suffering from PTSD. It started off when I found my partner dead in bed. I am receiving counselling for this which I could not survive at all without. It has also revealed that I have two other major traumas I need to deal with too. I am taking medication which has been prescribed to me by my psychiatrist, which doesn’t feel like it is helping. I also lost a friend to cancer at the end of September last year.

My grieving for my partner has only kicked in properly in the last couple of months due to the shock and PTSD. It is getting more and more painful and the tears seem endless. I don’t want to face the world everyday, I struggle to sleep and I don’t have much of an appetite either.

Has anyone been through this? Does anything help to take the pain, tears and distress it causes away?

I would be grateful for any kind words or suggestions from anyone. Thanks

(sorry its soo long i got carried away)

God Bless you Tracey!

I’m really sorry bout your husband, i’v went through similar, though it was my gran, and she had a heart attack after a long battle with cancer(at the time we did not know that it was cancer we didn’t know wha was wrong) i watched her die whilst i was bathing her!

every day i would wake up seeing her face gasping for breath, hearing her voice begging me for help, seeing her dead body being wheeled to the ambulance, and seeing her face in horror when i couldn’t help her. I’v got a lot of horrible thoughts and pictures of her in me head! but for mr its getting better! I’v ben riddled with guilt, but last month i went to see a psychic and was able to speak with my gran and she told me she was ok! things that she said helped and she said that she’s with me every day and she told me things that i’v done since she died so i know that even though i can’t see her i know she can see me, and can hear me! and my gran asked me to speak aloud to her when i’m thnking bout stuff about her, good and bad! and for me this has helped soo much! i don’t think about all that stuff every morning as soon as i wake up and it doesn’t keep me up as much during the night, because i know that my gran (along with your husband and your friend) and all our loved ones before and after them have past on to a better place where they can keep an eye on us!

i believe that your partner is with you all the time and is giving you strength when it all feels too much and standing by your side when you feel too weak to stand! i believe that they are helping us every day! and want us to get better! and think of the good times! even though some times it seems impossible.

I don’t know if it gets better (i think so) but it still hurts but in a different way! a way that you can deal with and be happy with, i think it’s important to tell friends and family how your feeling and share your grief, i’v got the opposite of tears i can’t cry a bit! no matter how bad it gets, so for my i’d give anything to be able to just let go!

but i think that your a brave woman who will get through this rough time, and be a stronger person for it. i really hope you feel better, you have given me a lot of strength and helped me a lot without even knowing it. You sharing your experiences with me back in August helped me to go get the help that i needed for my depression and anxiety and for that i really can never thank you enough! If it wasn’t for your help i’d be no further forward with my illnesses

Best wishes for this year xXxXx

Hi!

I am SO sorry for your situation.

I’m also sorry because I don’t have all the answers for you.

It seems that you are doing all the right things, i.e. having counselling and willingly taking medication. Even if you feel it’s not working, keep taking it.

I can only imagine the kind of pain and stress you are going through at the moment.

Don’t worry about not wanting to face the world everyday – who says you have to? If you don’t feel like seeing anyone, then don’t.

Do you think sleeping pills would be of benefit to you? Why not speak to your GP about it?

Even if you don’t have an appetite, try to have little amounts of food and often.

Only time will start to alleviate the pain, tears and distress, and even then it will not leave you completely, it’ll be something that you will learn to live with and adjust to.

I really wish you well, and just wish that there was more that I could do to help you. I will say a little prayer for you tonight and hope that you will find some kind of peace and freedom from pain in the future.

Take care, and stay safe.

xxx

I don’t actually have an answer for you since I have not experienced what you are going through. I can only say that I feel very deeply for you. What a shocking experience. My mother found her partner dead in bed in May so indirectly, through helping her, I can only imagine how terribly hard this must be to bear. Make full use of your counsellor, your family and friends. You are not alone. Death unfortunately is a part of life and in any partnership one will predecease the other, leaving someone broken hearted. I leave you with the words of Pericles, &quot:Wait for the wisest of all counsellors, time&quot:: and Alfred, Lord Tennyson, &quot:Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all&quot:. If you have faith in any God then I pray you will find some solace there. I know of a good book called ‘PTSD: The Invisible Injury’. You should be able to find it on Amazon.co.uk. My thoughts are with you.

Losing my partner was the most distressing time I have ever had in my adult life. I thought I would never get over it, I thought I would run out of tears. but I never did. I would go out for a walk and go past someone who is wearing his aftershave or a jacket that’s just like his, or the same hair style, I would burst into tears every time. A year later, I sat in MacDonald’s drinking a coffee and everyone was looking at me, I realised I was crying.. But I was not crying so often. The more time goes on the less you cry, the less it hurts. Don’t be afraid to talk about him, talk to him etc…..
Sort out your photo album, and think about the pics and when they were taken, you will find that you do smile.
My partner has been dead 11 years this year and it don’t feel that long. I still think about him, though I don’t cry anymore.

It is true when people say, that time is a great healer.

Good luck, you will be OK. Face each day as it comes, don’t think about tomorrow until it comes. One day you will notice, that you’ve stopped crying.

What is wrong with grieving for your lost ones?It is normal to cry and feel pain for someone you lose.It should get easier as time passes.Just take comfort in that you are not alone.I know sometimes when someone is going through so much pain and sadness they feel as if they are the only one in the world who fells that way.When you go to bed at night just remember you are laying under a vast sky and that someone else somewhere is feeling the lose of a loved one just like you.One day you will get through this and come out the other side stronger to be able to face this kind of lose again.Because lets face it everyone will lose a loved one at some time in there lives.

My heart hurts for you, it really does, your question is so full of pain and sorrow and i wish i knew how to take it all away but i don’t – i don’t think the most professional of people can heal your broken heart. Others say time is a healer, i don’t believe thats strictly true, how does anyone cope with the pain you’re experiencing and how can it lessen with the passing years? What i do know is that emotional pain becomes less painful with time but you never really ‘get over’ the feelings of loss and trauma. I’m so sorry that i can be of more help to you, i hope someone on here can give you the answer you so desperately seek but you can be assured of my prayers for you and my hope that you find some inner peace, may God Bless you always x

I am sorry to hear of your pain and distress and the unhappiness you are suffering at the moment.

I went through something similar a long time ago now loosing a couple of people I loved dearly within a short space of time.

What I do remember is feeling all the things you are feeling now, is the medication working, why cant I sleep or eat, why cant I stop crying?? But stick with it, you will learn a lot and gradually come to terms with what has happened to you and hopefully, like me, move on and make a great recovery, I dont say full recovery as there are times where my depression comes back to &quot:haunt&quot: me but I look but at what I learned in therapy and it gets me through it.

Good luck for the future xx

PTSD is difficult, it can take years sometimes to feel like life is back to &quot:normal.&quot:

Pills can help, talking to a therapist can help. But you have to do other things to help yourself. I’ve known people going through what you are who found meditation classes helpful, to let your mind just rest for a while each day. Most places have a Buddhist learning center somewhere nearby, or places that can help you get a handle on it. A book like MEDITATION FOR DUMMIES is good if you can’t find a local teacher who seems good.

I’ve been through grief before, one thing that helps is to realize we’re all here for a very short time, we came from somewhere else, we GO somewhere else. It’s as if &quot:life&quot: is a carnival ride, it seems exciting and real when we’re on it, but it’s just a ride. Your partner went on ahead, but you’ll be together again later. It’s OK to miss the departed, they miss you too. But we all meet up later.

You’ll get through this, it will get better.

Grieving follows its own course and you will go through it at your own pace. Often the shock of a death will freeze you completely – that is normal. When the shock wears off and the tears and pain kick in that’s normal too. You can only feel the way you are feeling. My brother died in a car crash when he was 21. He just went out with two friends for a drive one night and they came back with broken bones and he came back dead. It scared me and my family so much that we all just fell to pieces. But we just literally took one day at a time and sometimes just one hour at a time. If we found a happy memory we smiled and talked about it and if we wanted to cry we did. One day I woke up and he wasn’t the first thing on my mind. I know it sounds corny but give yourself time, treat yourself to little things – you may not notice how nice the bubbles in the bath are today but you might tomorrow, don’t be afraid and go easy on yourself.

Yes, I have been through the endless crying and fully understand.

Please understand that you really are doing well considering what you’ve had to deal with and it will get better. Time does heal and so does proper grieving. You are getting counseling which is very good, keep going.

Try to get some exercise daily, walking is good. Keep your relationships, friends are important support systems. Go easy on yourself, you are doing the best you can now and will do better as time goes on.

Do you believe in God? I found all of my strength to get through my situation by having a relationship with God. Perhaps you may want to ask Him for His help in your life. I will pray for you too. Take care.

Hi there,

Yes! The pain will ease off, but will never truly go away. Time is a healer, but it leaves scars, which proves that you don’t forget what a good thing you had, nor do you finish carrying the pain.

My mother died in front of me, I gave her chest compressions, but she was dead. It totally shocked me. I then gave up work to care for my father, who died 2 years later. I buried both their ashes. 6 months later I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t be consoled, and even wrecked all the furniture and interior of the house as the memories of what I’d seen traumatised me so much. I dressed differently to distance myself from the trauma, but this made me uncomfortable. I took up first aid to get over the guilt and grief, but saw more people die in duty. This made me feel even more guilty and added to my grief

PTSD made me suicidal and the former parental home unfit for human habitation. Thank God for my sister. No-one would accept I was ill, so my sister brought a prosecution to get the court to section me. I kept getting arrested, ended up in prison as the court couldn’t decide on my mental state. I found my way into hospital, but had taken many overdoses of paracetamol.

There came a time, for me, when I was just happy being happy. I never imagined I would ever be happy again, but a time does come. It took about 4 years for me to smile again. It will happen to you too, but in the meantime you will probably wake up in the morning for such a long time wishing you hadn’t.

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss and hope that by sharing my experience it will give you insight into yours.

Warm regards, lots of love and hope.

Michael Cavanagh
xxxxxxx

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