Fear of giving birth!!?

This may sound a little silly but does anbody know if you can ask for a C-section purely on the grounds of being afraid of the pain???
The experience i went through we i gave birth to my son naturally was just the most excruciating pain i have ever been through. I had a very traumatic birth and the only pain relief i recieved was paracetemol ( which i prompty threw back at the nurse through my screams for stronger drugs)
This experience has completely put me off ever having kids again which i think is a real shame because i would love for my son to have a brother or sister in the future.
I would consider having another child but only if i dont have to go through the horrendous pain of childbirth again!!
I was told that i would forget the pain almost straight away but the truth is i remember it like it was yesterday!!
any sggestions would be much appreciated

Hello sweetie

I totally know where your coming from. With my first child i was so terrified of giving birth i was very ill because of the stress. My aunt who was due about 4 months before me felt the same, she convinced her GP that she needed a C-section and sailed through it but i know for a fact that some of the other woman on the ward weren’t so lucky.
I asked my G.P. and gave the same reasons she did but i got a NO sorry there’s no way we’re doing a section on you. Then my waters broke 5 weeks early and i started to go into labour. When the put the strap on my belly it was saying i wasn’t really having contractions and so i was called all the liars in the world. not only would they not prep me for a c section they also wouldn’t call the anesthatist as i was only 3 cms like you i went into overdrive and 20mins later (after being left on my own in a room screaming my head off) they came in and said omg! 10cms she’s crowning!. (the swines)
This as you can imagine did not lead me to really wanting anymore kids.
Needless to say about 16 months later i found out i was pregnant again. I lived in Norwich at the time and explained to the OB in the hospital there what had happened and she was cool with letting me have a section for that one.
Anyway i moved.
Ended up in a refuge in north kent with no OB and no idea what to do.
I went to see a midwife and was told they couldn’t find the baby’s heart beat and so was rushed to the local hospital. Got there and they found the heart beat but couldn’t find a baseline as it was so erratic and decide to induce me there and then. I was trying to explain all of the above (lol) and they just dragged the anethitist bloke in and he said right come on then sign these and off we go (i was just 3cm’s at this point).
Started labour quite quickly, was never left on my own for more than about 5 mins at the most, the midwife was excellent. chatted to me about all sorts of stuff and totally kept my mind off it. Kept loading me up with any drugs she could find and delivered a baby 8 hrs later (bear in mind from waters breaking with first one it was 22 hrs, so i was impressed) the only thing was i had felt pain all the way through the labour just like the first one? It turned out the epidural had only worked down one side. so one side of me didnt’ feel anything whilst the other was in overdrive.
But do you know what?
Even though the pain of the second was just as bad i’d do it all again as the experience was completly different. All it took to make it so were some really nice nurses and midwives who actually listened to me and wanted to help.
Sounds like your first hospital was like my first one full of midwives who’d &quot:been there, done that and were still unimpressed by it all&quot: snotty cows who love a power trip. Don’t get me wrong i know they work hard but &quot:there’s always one&quot: in every place and unfortunatly there was one everywhere you looked in there lol
Maybe you should think about checking out some other hospitals in your area, they all have open days when you can go and look around and see what there like then?

Anyway sorry for the essay but just wanted you to know that no matter what people say to you giving birth is a very individual thing and what works for one may not very well work for another. You just got to &quot:suck it and see&quot: as they say.

Good luck hun i hope it all works out for you.

And by the way anyone who say’s it isn’t painful is either a liar or has alzheimer’s lmao i totally remember both lots of pain and i still cross my legs lol

I went through a very torturous childbirth with my daughter. I was induced, and when I asked for an epidural, I was told &quot:Yes, soon.&quot: They then doubled the chemical they were giving me to induce labor, even though labor was well underway. Contractions quickly became unbearable (every minute or so, at full strength) and I begged for that epidural, but was told that there was no anesthesiologist available at all. This continued for hours. To make a long, horrible story short, I never forgot the terrible pain, and I never got over it.

I want to make two points here:

(1) The next birth can be MUCH better and even wonderful.
A few years later, I had another baby. During labor, I tearfully explained about my previous birth, and the midwives treated me like I their own flesh and blood. They felt so bad for me, they did everything they could to make me happy.
And the birth was painless, with an epidural, and a wonderful experience.
Just explain your fears to your practitioner, cry if you feel it will help, just get the message across that you will die of fear if he/she does not promise you an easier childbirth. Perhaps he/she can arrange a C-section or promise you an epidural. (I have to tell you the truth: epidurals do not always work very well. Sadly, I learned that in my first birth…)

(2) Your continued fear is perfectly normal and OK.
Everyone experiences childbirth differently, and it totally legitimate to have had a bad experience and to be afraid. It does not make you less of a woman or less of a natural mother. It certainly does not make you a coward.
I am on my 4th pregnancy, and despite the last birth having been like a dream come true, I cannot forget the excruciating birth I went through with my daughter, and I am very frightened all over again.
I suggest talk with a psychologist about your fears. (That’s what I plan on doing.) I have read that it is very important to debrief after childbirth, and that it really helps you come to terms with your experience. Talking to your husband and family is nice, but talking to a psychologist — someone unbiased who can credibly tell you that you are alright and your feelings are valid — is even better.

All the best.

i have heard of women being able to have a c-section due to past traumatic birthing experiences. u would have to discuss this with your doctor. only other thing i could suggest is that u look at your finances and see whether or not u could afford to pay to go private (assuming u live in the UK ?) i get the impression that u would be able to call the shots more if u had private medical care. i had a traumatic experience when i gave birth to my son too. from my waters breaking, to actually having to have an emergency forceps assisted delivery because my baby’s heart rate was dropping, the whole thing lasted almost 3 days. i had no sleep for those 3 days, and the only pain relief i had was an epidural, which didn’t work properly – it numbed my legs, so i couldn’t move about, but it hurt like hell everywhere else !!! i’ve thought about whether or not this experience would put me off having another child or not, and i’ve come to the conclusion that it wouldn’t . every birth is different, and u can ask to have it written into your notes that u have had a traumatic experience in the past, and that u want proper pain relief. personally, i would not choose to have a c-section unless it was totally necessary. it takes your body a lot longer to recover from that than it does to recover from a natural birth… you wouldn’t be able to pick up your child or any other kind of lifting / work / driving, without getting help from someone for about 6 weeks. the thought of my mother coming to stay for 6 weeks was enough to make me feel more positive about another natural birth ! talk to your doctor. see what options are available to u. good luck.

I totally understand what you are talking about. I went though the same thing. When I was waiting for the epidural I jumped from 5cm to 10 cm just like that. The pain was so bad I choked the nurse and was swearing like a sailor at the Dr. Lol. When I found I was pregnant again that is the very first thing that came to my mind. This time I found a caring Dr that understood and as soon as I got to the hospital they gave me an epidural at 4cm. I didn’t feel a thing. I told my boyfriend he was lucky I didn’t have an epidural the first time otherwise we would have 10 kids by now. Make sure you get another Dr or even go to a different hospital that will make sure you have an epidural. Good Luck and Congratulations

Doesn’t sound silly. My first birth was unpleasant. The pain was excruciating but worse was the fact that I tore so badly. My concern this time is that I’ll tense up and make it worse/ more likely to happen again this time. Pethidine isn’t useful to my mind, does nothing apart from make you queasy. Gas and Air just helps because you get a bit giddy! I remember the pain like yesterday and my first was 16 years ago so don’t feel daft.
Babies are bigger, better nourished etc these days and mine was bigger than I could cope with. I am worried that this one is even bigger. I wondered about being given a local in the perineum etc so I don’t notice if/ when I start to tear this time but can’t seem to get the same midwife two times in a row to ask them!
An epidural would be great but I don’t want to risk immobility.
It is hard, but you’re not alone thinking it!!
Good luck, but go for it.

Don’t think that a c-section is EASY!!!! First of all, the risks are MUCH MUCH MUCH higher. YOu have TWICE the risk of DEATH w/ a c-section along w/ a whole host of other risks (inlcuding risks to your future fertility and future pregnancies). There are considerable risks to the baby as well.

Having had 2 c-sections myself, I can tell you that the pain of labor lasts for however long labor lasts (not including episiotomy, etc), the pain of a c-section can last for weeks or more after the surgery. It is MAJOR ABDOMINAL surgery w/ all of the associated risks and drawbacks! My first c-section was traumatic for me and left me w/ serious anxiety issues for a long time after…my second was better in some ways, but still grieved my heart (attempted VBAC, but cord was wrapped too tightly around baby). I plan to VBAC for any future births.

The other major drawback to having a c-section was that I couldn’t pick up my 3 year old for weeks (not just the usual 6 weeks). That was hard on both of us. Plus, it was difficult to get the rest and relaxation I needed to recover from surgery when my 3 year old needed me too. Ugh! Having a c-section w/ my first was bad enough, but to have one w/ a toddler in the house was truly awful!!!

It sounds like you didn’t have a very good support team for your birth. Obviously nobody was really listening to you or supporting you. I strongly believe in using the least invasive and toxic method of giving birth, but there is a time and a place for compassionate use of pain meds in delivery.

Please look into healing your heart and mind from your traumatic birth experience before you consider trying to conceive again. There are many reasons why a birth might be more painful than usual and many ways that pain can be prevented or eased naturally. Baby’s position, for example, can strongly influence pain in labor. Sometimes the environment can make it horrible. Try the book Birthing From Within. It discusses looking inside of yourself to help you process a traumatic birth experience and contemplate a new one.

A doula is a woman trained to be a birth supporter. She can help you will all your needs in labor, even be there if you have to have a c-section. I can’t say enough about having a doula!

Remember that each birth experience is unique! Just b/c your first was so awful doesn’t mean future births will be bad. Check out Mothering.com. There are discussion boards about birth experiences where you can get wonderful and nonjudgemental support.

Speak to your midwife about your fears. She will understand and has probably seen other mums to be with the same fear.

The only way the NHS will grant a c-section is if there is some medical reason. And that includes psychological reasons. It could be deemed that to allow you a natural birth would cause more harm than good psychologically i.e bonding with your baby afterwards.

If the NHS will not give you a c-section. Then maybe you could opt for a home birth as you may feel more relaxed in your own environment. A midwife would come to you with gas and air.

The other option is to hire a dula. These are specially trained women who will offer support both physically and emotionally all the way through the pregnancy and birth.

I wish you luck xx

A c-section will be much worse in the end. It is an abdominal surgery which is one of the most painful surgeries you can have. The recovery time for a c-section will be much worse than labor. To me, with your experience, it sounds like you had unorganized and unsympathetic care. It is true that they can’t give you an epidural if it’s too early bc it can slow the process down and they can’t give it to you too late bc it wouldn’t be worth it. If you are dilating at a steady pace then they should give you an epidural somewhat early. I got mine at a 3. I would make sure and go to a different doctor for the next pregnancy and if possible a different hospital bc I don’t think they did their job right and hopefully you would have a better experience.

I know someone (in the UK) who is having a c-section purely because she is scared of childbirth, but her care is totally private and not on the NHS. It’s her first child though, so she doesn’t really have a good reason!
I also know another lady who tore badly with her first child and was very scared about the second labour, so she also offered a c-section and that was on the NHS.

My sister in law didn’t plan to have one, but made such a fuss during the birth that they gave her one!

I guess that it’s worth talking to people and seeing if it’s an option. If you can convince them that you have a good reason, they might book you in. Probably depends on the people involved.

But do bear in mind the recovery time and how hard you are going to find it looking after 2 children after major surgery. You know that you can’t drive for 6 weeks and will be very limited in any movements for at least a few weeks.

I had my daughter by C-section 5 days ago after 2 normal deliveries, my first birth was at the time the most excruciating experience of my life, she took 20 hours from the point of waters breaking, i had the full works with the epidural etc and it was horrific, my son was born after 2 hours from waters breaking and i had him without pain killers, don’t get me wrong it was pain full but fantastic and so fast i felt wonderful so don’t think it will always be as bad second time round, so i am currently recovering from the birth of my third child by c sec 5 days ago, let me tell you, oh my god it has been dreadful, i have never been in so much pain in my life, i feel allot better now but please don’t think its an easy option cos its 10 times worse than my first birth which mentally took 11 months to get over my depression due to the shock, just let nature take place you will recover so much quicker and generally the second time is much easier, good luck

I don’t think that your doctor would permit a c-section based on your fear of pain, at least my doctor wouldn’t. I am sorry that your first labor has scared you so much. I was lucky, they gave me my epidural with my first labor at 9cm, which is pretty much unheard of. So many people are told they are too far along at that point. But with my younger children, I received the epidural earlier in the labor, 5 and 6 cm. If you decide to go through with another pregnancy, perhaps you can talk to your doctor about your fears and explain that you want him/her to okay an epidural asap. The nurses offered to give me mine earlier than I excepted per my doctors request.
On a separate note, my other deliveries were not as difficult as my first and I know that to be true with my friends and family. I hope you can work this out.

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