Ok my fiance’ has a two yr old daughter with another woman. He has been buying her presents, diapers, all different kinds of baby items since she was born. We have saved some of the receipts for things, but werent smart enough to save all of them, (we kept the info. for the diamond earrings, and bigger ticket items but not for the diapers, food, playpen, stroller, etc. etc.) His ex is denying him any unsupervised visitation since day one. At first we were understanding about this (new baby, new mother, breastfeeding etc.) but recently she has been saying that he has to really prove he cares to get any visits with her at all! Not only that, but the mother’s bf of about 1 1/2 yr. is now his little girl’s daddy-and he is a sperm donor. She is unstable, and angry that he wouldnt come back to her after they broke up.
So we are going to take it to court, we were trying to save up for a lawyer but are tired of waiting (her family is rich and she lives with them-they support her, the bf, and the daughter…they dont have jobs…we live in our own place with our son and pay our own bills, etc.) so we are just going to go ahead and petition for visitation w/o a lawyer…(go to the clerk of courts for paperwork?)
We have learned enough to know he will not be denyed visitation. He is a GREAT father. Unfortunately, his daughter hasnt gotten the chance to know that. (the visits have been working around mother’s schedule, for a few short hours sporradically since birth, with her and her bf there the whole time)
We have offered to pay child support many times to her, but she keeps saying that he has to sign HIMSELF up for it (she is confused and thinks that he has to pay child support to get visitation…even though we have both told her that is not the case), yet we are still willing to pay it anyhow (its the responsible thing to do) ….We have her recorded saying all these things as well, among many other horrible spiteful things.
Now, I thought we would only be paying support from the time we signed him up for it (can we do that??) but i am starting to wonder whether we will have to pay from the time of birth (she recently said that everything we have done before wont matter) is this true? We are in the state of Ohio. Any advice or comments before we go ahead with this? How much will the court/filing fees be?
also note: I say we b/c i have helped to pay for all of these things, and been there for all of the visits, am privy to all information. I am not overly involved, i try to stay out of it (she kind of scares me). OH, and the two were never married.
You will find what you need at the bottom, but first a lesson for him:
I’ve worked with divorced and single fathers for 20 years.
AS A REMINDER TO ALL SINGLE MEN SHACKING UP WITH A WOMAN. UNLESS YOU LIVE IN ARIZONA OR CALIFORNIA, YOU HAVE
ASSUMED RIGHTS TO, OR SAY ABOUT, ANY CHILD BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK. ONLY THE COURTS CAN GRANT YOU ANY RIGHTS.
I REPEAT, SINGLE FATHERS IN 97% OF THE U.S. AND ITS TERRITORIES HAVE NO RIGHTS. YOU ARE FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE, BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS UNTIL YOU ARE GRANTED THEM. THE MOTHER HAS AUTOMATIC SOLE LEGAL CUSTODY OF THE CHILD.
SINGLE MEN MAKE THEMSELVES INTO A SLAVE CLASS THAT MUST ASK PERMISSION OF THE MASTER (THE MOTHER) OR HER LEGAL REPRESENTATIVE (THE COURTS) FOR PERMISSION TO SEE YOUR CHILD. AND EVEN THAN, 60% OF THE TIME, ACCORDING TO GOVERNMENT STUDIES, YOU WILL BE DENIED ACCESS TO YOUR CHILD, LOSING ALL CONTACT WITHIN FIVE YEARS.
SHE GOES TO CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT TO REQUEST AN ORDER PLACED ON YOU.
YOU GET SERVED.
YOU PAY FOR THE DNA TEST.
YOU PAY ALL COURT COSTS.
YOU PAY ATTORNEY FEES.
IF THE CHILD IS UP TO 18 YEARS OLD, YOU PAY RETROACTIVE CHILD SUPPORT, PLUS UP TO 18 YEARS INTEREST PENALTIES, BASED ON YOUR CURRENT INCOME, NOT WHAT YOUвЂ™VE EARNED OVER THE YEARS, EVEN IF YOU WERE UNDERAGE AND NOT WORKING AT THE TIME SHE GOT PREGNANT.
SINCE THE HEARING IS STRICKLY MEANT TO ESTABLISH SUPPORT, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FILE FOR CUSTODY AND/OR VISITATION RIGHTS. THAT REQUIRES A SEPARATE HEARING, WHICH YOU WILL ALSO PAY FOR.
WHETHER YOU ARE LIVING WITH HER OR NOT, YOU VOLUNTARILY SELL YOURSELF INTO SLAVERY THE MOMENT YOU TOOK YOUR PECKER OUT OF YOUR PANTS WITH A WOMAN YOU WERE NOT MARRIED TO. SHE HAS 100% OF THE RIGHTS AND YOU HAVE NONE.
You have an up mountain, not hill, battle ahead of you. In a word, prepare, prepare, prepare.
Get an order enter forcing a DNA test, unless one has already been done.
DO NOT PAY ANY KIND OF SUPPORT FOR THE CHILD UNTIL A DNA TEST IS DONE, AS IT ACKNOWLEDGES YOUR FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CHILD.
Once you begin paying child support, regardless of whether you are the father or not, you can be required to continue paying.
If one has been done, go to the child support enforcement to setup a voluntary order. Wait for them to file against you will result in you paying all court costs of up to $5000
Take a certified parenting course. The court is going to order you to take it anyway, so by showing youвЂ™ve taken it only looks good to them.
Start keeping a daily journal of all you activities. The most common way to prevent a father from getting his rights through the courts is a false allegation. A daily journal is your number one piece of evidence in court and you can even refer to it while on the stand.
Gather evidence. Check the site below to see if it is illegal to record conversations without the other person knowing. If your state does not have a law either way, than it defaults to the federal ruling which says one person in a conversation must know they are being recorded. YouвЂ™re that one person. In Missouri it is specifically legal, in Kansas there is no mention either way. If you live in two different states, and one has a law against it, than it applies when the call originates from within that state,
The court will order you into mediation, so take the lead first. Instead of hiring attorneys, suggest to her to go to a mediator and try to hammer out an agreement. A mediator is an attorney or paralegal with certified training as a mediator. You each have to pay half the fees in order for the mediator to have the appearance of being unbiased.
If you and the mother are civil, consider Bird Nest Custody. In this the child lives in one home and each parent live there for 3-4 weeks, than switch. You live with friends, family, rent a room, etc. on the off time. In this manner, your childвЂ™s life is not disrupted. They are not being shifted back and forth. They keep their own room, friends, school, etc. It is hard on the parents, but than the child comes first. This is the form of custody rocker Ted Nugent had.
If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. There’s an educational manual in the file section that can teach you what you need to know. Take the time to learn what you can and should do.
A couple of additional
First of all, not all states have the same laws regarding support issues so don’t take everything you read here as ":law":.
He may or may not have to pay the child support arrears depending on if mom has been receiving welfare during the pregnancy and since the child was born. Mom usually files for child support and dad appears in court and gets his order to pay which will be a percentage of his earnings. Your hubby may also be court ordered to provide medical coverage and if the child ever is put in daycare, he may have to pay half of that as well. If mom has never received welfare, than the court would only usually make him pay arrears back to the date mom filed. Anything given to mom now IS considered a gift, so keep that in mind when giving cash though don’t let that stop you from helping mom because kids are very expensive and I am sure you would not want his kid to go without. Hubby may not have to have DNA if he acknowledges the kid is his and signs the paperwork and if he does request DNA, he could be required to cover the expense. Also, if mom was receiving welfare benefits while she was pregnant, hubby could be held responsible for the cost of birth and that amount would be tacked onto the arrears the state says he owes.
Hubby can file for visitation with the court and I am sure mom will respond with filing for child support. Child support and visitation are usually handled as separate issues and rarely addressed together during the same court date. Depending on the age of the kid, he may have very limited visitation. For instance, if mom is breast feeding, she may not have to allow overnight visits until the child is older.
Mom will also have the right to take hubby back to court every few years for child support increases as well.
I am not saying hubby should not take his responsibilities seriously because he should and it’s great that you guys wanna resolve this issue but, I would shy away from proving your income if your living together now because mom will receive a percentage and some states do count total household income and since your technically not married yet, your income should not matter. And yes, some states to hold the step-parent legally responsible. I know someone here in Michigan that had her pay garnished by Friend Of The Court (aka FOC which is the child support office here) for her husbands support obligation.
Also, f hubby ever loses a job or his hours gets cut, anything that reduces his income, he will need to file for a support reduction ASAP because his support could be reduced in many circumstances. But doing this in a timely manner is VERY important because the courts are not usually very friendly and will not reduce the arrears should they add up due to his lack of quickness.
Mary in Camden, MI
Go to your courthouse and fill out the paper work. Pay the file fee and go from there. There are so many people out there that are sucessfull doing this themselves. I did all of my boyfriends paperwork about 9 months ago. It all only took about 3 months and he was awarded 50/50 custody. Situation was similar, but not as extreme as yours. Mother forced herself to be the primary parent and would only allow his son to visit for a few hours a week and rarely overnight. My sister also took her ex to court, he got a lawyer and she fought the lawyer by herself with no problem. Emerce yourselves into infomation about your states laws and put yourselves to work. Thousands of people do it every year! What are you waiting for?
well he won’t be denied visitation…. the courts will require a dna test to prove that he is the father though… this will come out of your pockets not hers….next visitation &: support will be negotiated. Please go to you local aid office &: speak with someone…. Do not go into a court room without someone who knows the laws… you might know what you want but to be able to explain that to a judge is a bit different
Yes he should have been paying child support from birth, and will have to pay the arrears.
He should sign himself up for it. He should not wait for her. Dont offer to pay support ………..just do it, his daughter deserves it.
Child support does not equal visitation, and if your husband wants visitation he will have to go and get court orders to have it enforced. She has no right to withhold his child from him.
Once the vistation has been establised he will be able to see his daughter more often, and at regular intervals.
First off he is not a great father he is a sperm donor. He can become a good father by filing for visitation and paying child support. You stay out of it.