need severe help with my 6 year old daughter!!!!!!! please help us?

My 6 almost 7 year old daughter has adhd. She takes streterra to help slow her brain down a bit so she can think logically and not be so impulsive. This medicine is not a stimulant so it doesnt affect her in either way, to calm her or to make her more hyper. It simply slows her mind a bit so she can think about her actions before she does things. Anyway she hasnt taken it for the past several weeks…..We couldnt make it to her appt and her DR wont refil w/o giving her another evaluation but they are down a dr so we can be seen until the 1st week in July. I have been fighting with the office but they arent budging……just want another eval so they can make more money and really they are just hurting my daughter by not getting her her meds.
Well my issue is this…..my mom wants to take my daughter in to live with her b/c when she is w/ my mother she behaves and acts semi-normal. When she is home she is constantly picking on her brother, setting him up to do bad things so she can blame him, pushing him down the stairs and just tormenting all of us. We give her lots of praise and attention and I do things with her very frequestly. We paint nails together, I take her out with me for alone time, we read with her, go on bike rides and swimming almost daily. She is just so relentless. If we arent constantly stimulating her mind and keeing her moving she will get into trouble. She talks back to us, questions everything, anytime we say no to something she just keeps pushing and asking over and over, she is super nosey, she has a horrible attitude and always has to be first and in charge. We have literally tried everything from natural healing to counciling, church, medicine, expressive art therapy, dance you name it…it has been a struggle for the past 2 years. We are finding it so hard to deal with her and bond with her b/c she is always in trouble. I can only imagine that she must feel so alone inside and so unloved. I literally have to force my self to give her special attention b/c she is always being so nasty. Dont get me wrong, she isnt completely evil, she has good days but they are so seldom. I just dont know how to make her happy. It should be ok for her not to have our attention all day, she should be able to entertain herself sometimes and play with her toys. She doesnt ever play alone in her room with her things. We have taken everything out of her room except her bed, timeouts, behaivior charts…seriously, everything!! I cannot be consistant with something because nothing works. The worst part is her little brother who is 4 is a mess when she is home. He is always screaming in pain or annoyance and she is really rubbing off on him and when she isnt here he is perfect and self entertains and is well behaved. Well today i just lost it when i say her messing w/ my son on the stairs and he llitterally flew back into a backwords summersault and hit the wood floor with his head. I really let her have it. Im not one for physical dicipline b/c i was diciplined that way and it only ever made me feel unloved and confussed…in my mind I didnt know that the things I was doing where so bad that thats why my mom hit me…it just made me hate her and lowered my self asteem…so I try not to hit them very often but she got it today.
Im so lost as a mom and I want to do wahts right but I just dont know what that is. She will laugh in our faces when we dicipline her and it makes me nutts.
I am really considering letting her live with my mom temporarily. Not because I dont want to deal with her or dont love her but I feel like she just is so miserable and I dont want her to be depressed and feel unloved. I love my little girl with all my heart and would do anything ofr her but I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like I have failed her and its all my fault. I want her to be happy and have high self esteem and she does when she is with my mom. My mom favors her so she gives her lots of one on one attention and my parents have lots of kids in there neighborhood who my daughter plays with and she loves being there. We dont have a lot of kids in our area so she is with us a lot unless we get her out on play dates but other people have lifes and we cant always ask for them to have play dates just for her. She should be ok with what we provide her but its never enough. I dont want her to resent me even more when shes older b/c i sent her away even though I am only considering it because she wants to go.
Not only that but my parents smoke(outdoors) but she is still around it and the curse a lot and argue b/c there from NY and have those type of high strung personalities and i dont want her growing up like that. My parents are stuck in there ways so asking them to change has not been sucessful.
What is really hitting me hard is that she is imune to her feelings. She will be upset that she got punished but not at what she did…and she has like no emotion…she is already downstairs eating lunch like nothing hap

First off I am very sorry for all your going through. Having a child with problems like this must be very hard on you and your other children. Can you think of a specific reason she’s acting this way? Maybe a death in your family or something along those lines? 2nd of all you DID NOT fail as a mother. You did the best you could and thinking that way will cause more problems than needed. I think you might want to have a sit down with your mother. Discuss what things she does differently that you may not. I think that could really help you and your daughter. Next,maybe you should have a Sit down heart to heart with your daughter. That always helps me when my sisters are acting strangely or are depressed. Maybe you can take her out on her own fun day. Like whatever she wants to do,maybe got to a Theme Park or go to a Baseball game or anything she wants to do. To show her that despite everything she’s doing you still love her. In my opinion sending her to your mothers would be a bad idea even if she wants to go. It would send mixed Messages

Stay Strong

If I were you, honestly, I would try a nicotine patch on her and give her some Valerian root pills. I believe they would help. Please search for ADD/ADHD and nicotine therapy and read about it. It could be that she is better around your mom BECAUSE she smokes. Strange, I know.

If she behaves with your Mom then the problem is YOU, not the child! Let her live with your Mom so EVERYONE is happy!

i have a daughter, but i’m sorry im not a good caretaker and i am hungry for some evie!

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