My 16 year old son is gay but due to my Christian beliefs I have a hard time dealing with it but I TRY. I divorced his father 3 years ago. Now, I’m newly remarried to an amazing man. We just got married in July.
My new husband’s ex-wife passed away of leukemia over a year ago( around the same time he began dating me), leaving him to raise their 17 year old son and 14 year old daughter. He and his children’s mother were long divorced before she died. Now, my husband and his children live with me and my son. They all moved in a week AFTER we got married. About a month before our wedding, we confirmed some suspicions we were having about my 16 year old son and his 17 year old son. My son is gay and my husband’s son is most likely just confused. They’ve been having these sexual relations behind our backs. Of course, we told them to break it off as it was extremely unacceptable because they are two BOYS and STEPBROTHERS. My stepson seemed understanding but my son was clearly upset. He used it as something ELSE to resent me for, since he’s been practically hating me ever since I divorced his father. His father is a very liberal man but it was MY Christian faith that healed my pain after the divorce yet my son calls it BS.
Now, here’s the issue now that it’s SEPTEMBER. I found out from my stepdaughter that my son and my stepson are still fooling around. So, of course, my husband and I confronted our sons. Things got so complicated, my son lost his temper on ALL of us….cursing, screaming etc. like a little girl. But most of it was directed at my stepson. My stepson HAS a girlfriend yet he was still clearly giving in to my son’s advances all this time. My son and stepson got into a horrible punching match right in front of me and my husband(we broke it up). This has gotten too complicated especially when my husband and I started arguing(our first SERIOUS argument). Naturally, I defended my child and he defended his. When we calmed down, we both agreed that we love each other too much for this mess, so we need a solution.
I was thinking of contacting my EX-husband and asking him if he would mind letting our son stay with him. He’ll be 18 in two years anyway. But I feel so horrible and I definitely don’t know what my son would feel towards me then. I mean, he DOES love his father and miss him very much, so I don’t see WHY it should be a bad idea. Clearly, he and my stepson cannot be under the same roof too much longer. Not with this homosexuality, not with this fighting and definitely not with this sex. I’m confused. What should I do?
Yikes, sorry to hear all of this. I’d ask him if he wants to stay with his father. Clearly it would be better if he and your stepson didn’t live under the same roof, and it sounds like he not only misses his father but that his father, being very liberal, might better be able to accept his homosexuality while you try and cope with it yourself.
When my parents divorced, I was in basically the same situation (not the gay part, but I resented my mom for the divorce and eventually left and moved in with my dad). I will say that my relationship with my mom greatly improved after living with my dad for some time in large part because I had blamed her for not my not being able to see my father as much and, once I was living with him, it was her that I wasn’t seeing as much, which led me to better appreciate my relationship with her in the long run.
Having said that, this was just my personal experience and it might not pan out the same for you. I don’t know what sort of relationship you have with your ex-husband, but obviously if he’s going to be badmouthing you a lot to your son or something it could end up hurting your relationship. Also consider that if his father is very liberal and you suspect your son’s behavior to just be a way of rebelling or something, you won’t want his father to encourage him to take it on as a lifestyle. You also obviously don’t want to make it seem like you’re throwing him out of the house, but rather trying to figure out what’s best for everybody.
Don’t listen to some of the other people here who are insulting you. You’ve clearly been dealt an extremely tough hand and are trying to handle it the best you can. Any parent would react the same way in your situation–and a lot of parents wouldn’t have had the patience you’ve had in dealing with this predicament thus far. You want the best for your son, and really what other alternatives are there? Things can’t continue as they currently are, that would be bad for everybody involved.
I think that it’s best to take your son out of this situation and put him with his father at least for a little while, while things get figured out.
I’m bi myself, but I’m giving you props for trying. Not many Christians are willing to tolerate.
in the meantime, separate the three kids and get the story from each of them. Was your son really making advances on the stepson, or was it the other way around? My best friend was disowned because no one believed it to be the latter (even though I was witness).
Please make it focused more on the fact that stepchildren shouldn’t date, rather than focusing on the homosexuality aspect. Saying that the homosexuality is the main problem will only make your son shut down.
When possible, have a one on one with your son. Don’t bring your husband, your ex, or your stepchildren into this one. This conversation is mainly to get anything off of your and his chests, and it should not be a lecture on beliefs or what is wrong. It’s a mature, adult conversation to discuss what happened and what needs to. Make sure he knows that. Ask him if there’s other things going on in his life whether at school or with friends or behind your back that are bothering him.
God bless you, and I hope things work out for the best.
Wow, what a tangled web you’ve got there. Well, first off I would consider having you, or your husband, sit your stepson down and asking what his interest is regarding your son. From what you stated he is already in a relationship yet is willingly involving himself with your son. This leads me to believe that either he is gay (or bi) and is using his relationship as a cover for whatever he feels for your son, or is merely using your son to his own ends. The last seems more likely considering the fight that broke out between them. Pressure him to stop fooling around with your son if he has no interest except for kicks, as it’s seriously hurting him an it’s only gonna get worse.
As for your son, it’s obvious that he has some feelings for your stepson and it is contributing to his unstable attitude. He probably feels stupid, devastated and used by your stepson and probably thinks you blame him for much of what’s going on. Which, judging from your words, you do on some level as both are guilty parties in this yet you seem to be placing emphasis upon your son and his orientation, even though this issue is impacting him the most emotionally. I can’t tell you what to do since I don’t know your family enough except to give him your full support, tell him you love him and that even though you may not understand his choices that you’ll always care an stand by him. I wouldn’t suggest sending him to his father’s unless you break it in a way that gives him the choice. Maybe suggest that, if things are too stressful and it’s difficult to process everything, that you can call your ex and ask if your son can stay awhile, just to cool down and get things in order, and comeback whenever he feels ready. At least this way he hopefully won’t think your trying to toss him aside to fix this problem.
It’s unlikely you’ll get them to stop by just demanding it so, they’re teenage males after-all. Although if you can get the story from both of them you might be able to get some semblance of where they’re both standing in this conflict. With this knowledge you might be able to nudge them apart by shifting your son’s interests elsewhere and get your stepson to be more faithful to his girlfriend. At least this way you won’t have to force it by sending your son away against his choice.
Hopefully this helped some. 🙂
Yanno this is a short answer. but to be honest I recomend you watch a film called ":Prayers For Bobby":. download it odd piratebay if you must or buy it on amazon it will be worth it.
Because it seems to me that if you’re not carefull you wont have your son at all. I can see your disliking to the fact that they are step brothers, okay but one they are not having kids and share no blood relation. If you and your hatred and small mindedness cannot accept your sons sexuality it will kill him, not only that if you consider it a sin, look who got divorced? yeah no one is perfect okay, god loves everyone, god maked your son gay and theres nothing wrong with that, in lady gagas words he was BORN THIS WAY. and god makes no mistakes. Let him be himself, at the moment your a bad mother, and im not after best answer, im telling you the truth. You are supposed to support your child no matter what love and care for him no matter what.
Do watch the film I showed you.
and he fact there step brothers okay its a little frowned upon
but if they love each other let them be happy,
if you let them they may grow up and go for someone else.
Don’t be selfish, open your mind and heart to your son.
Was your son taking advantage of your step son or was it the other way around talk to all three of them separately. Ask your son if he wants to move in with his father. Oh and on the fight between the two, maybe your son was just hurt that even though your step son has a girlfriend he was still having sex with him.
You sound extremely unbalanced. Your son would be far better off without you in his life.
Congrats, you got the answer you wanted.
You need therapy. Not from a minister, from a mental health professional.
And I guarantee that your stepson is gay or bi. By the time you willingly take another dude’s penis into your mouth you have gone way past ":confused":.
If things are becoming stressed between him and his step brother maybe you should see if he would like to move to his fathers house. You need to be very loving so that he knows that you are NOT disowning him, that it’s still his decision, and it is NOT because he is gay.
To make things easier, maybe it could be that he’s there part time. If you explain it right, then it might be something he ge’s excited for. Spending time with his liberal dad who would be more accepting of him would probably sound like a treat.
be a TRUE mother to your son. You did give birth to him. right And your new husband knew about you son before you married. IF you were my mother and you put me out. You would NEVER NEVER see me again MOTHERS do not throw out their teenage kids out But MAybe it would be a good thing for him to be with his dad JUST to get away from YOU. I Wish when i was a kid my father was around I would had when and lived with my father Just to get away from my mother and stepfather
But you both could sit down with your son and talk to him about him leaving your home Cause he is not really welcome there and YOU really don’t love him. and maybe it best for him to go to his father’s place to live where he would be LOVED AND CARE FOR and your husband is not as AMAZING MAN as YOU think. HE would want you to be a good mother to your child and do right by your child. your son only has one dad and one mom and he NEEDS them both
good luck on this , love your son
Sending him away (unless he really wants to go) will do nothing but harm your relationship. Don’t do that. I understand you’re Christian but do understand your son can’t change the way he feels and please don’t try to make him, horrible emotional reprucussions will follow. I do understand his homosexual behaviour taking place under your roof is not acceptable under your eyes so make him understand you’re trying to deal with it but ask him to respect your rules when he’s at home. As for his relationship with his stepbrother, its really not incest or anything but once again, just really ask him to respect your wishes he may or may not listen. If he doesn’t, just keep trying.but sending him away will do nothing for you or him.understand, I’m saying ask him to respect your authority, not to stop being gay because he can’t do that lol I hope you’ll learn to accept your son one day, just try to see things from his point of view 🙂
It might help to know why you divorced his father (or vice versa) and how you got custody. But you have two choices, family counseling and/or seeing if dad and son (and the court) would be agreeable to dad having custody at this time. I’d go with family counseling first.