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Husband porn addiction. Baby on the way. what do i do?!?


My husband and i have been together for 6 years married 1 1/2 years .
When we were dating i found porn on his computer…a lot. It bothered me and i let him know that it hurt my feelings and made me feel like i didn’t matter. He promised me he would stop and he did it never came up again.and two years later we were married . 11 months into our marriage i was on our computer and came across some very very hard core porn. My heart broke to think my husband would be looking at that. I brought it up very quickly to him letting him know how much it hurt me to know that he was getting pleasure out of watching those women,then he would come and lay next to me and bed and tell me how much he loves me. I told him that he had to choose it was the porm or me. He promised and promeised he would stop. I told him if it happened again i didnt think we would work it out a thrid time..time passed with no problems.Now i am currently pregnant with our first child and i was playing on the i pad when i go to bing and BAM!! A whole bunch of disgusting stuff. And i sit back and take it in AGAIN. I call him and simply ask,did you let anyone get the ipad ? hoping it was someone elses doing he said nope
I say r u sure he says yep we say goodbyes. And im stuck stairing at the 30 searches for porn.
When i see this it breaks my heart. It makes me feel like im useless that he would rather go and watch that instead of being with me.we both to church and i believe that watching porn is a sin. And to me its a form of cheeting on me. we have a healthy sex life so i dont understand why…..why he chooses to watch that crap over being with me. Please help i am in fear my marriage may on the brinks of being over and i dont know what to do advice is welcomed please.

I understand why this bothers you. What I’ve never understood is why porn has such a higher priority in things that women don’t approve of than other things, such as spending too much time fishing or buying a motorcycle.

Let’s look at this objectively. What problems is this really causing for you? You have a healthy sex life, as you said. He’s not growing emotionally distant, he’s not trolling cheap hotels for other women, and he’s not leaving you for a porn star. Your husband finds other women attractive, as every man does. This does not indicate an unhealthy marriage.

Aside from your own emotional upset–which IS understandable–this is not harming your relationship in any way. It’s not keeping him from spending time with the family, it’s not taking money out of the family bank account, and it’s not making him neglect the childrens’ upbringing. You’re not getting a black eye from porn, he’s not bringing home any diseases, and there’s no baby momma to show up on your doorstep demanding child support. As another user said, count your blessings.

From your perspective, his porn &quot:addiction&quot: is causing problems. From his, your insecurity is causing problems. I’d say you both have an equally valid argument.

If you need to talk this out, then by all means do so. I would strongly advise against nagging him or throwing down ultimatums, however. I can guarantee the porn isn’t nagging him about the time he spends with you, so keep the grass on your side of the fence as green as you can. Don’t reward the behavior by any means, but the more unpleasant you are with him, the more you’re going to drive him away from you.

This is obviously a really difficult situation for you and your husband:s actions have hurt you. A few things to consider:
-The use of porn is an epidemic because it is accessible and free. The same way that if alcohol was delivered to our homes for free, every days, whether we wanted it or not, there would be more alcoholics, the Internet has created a reality whereby there are more people looking at porn and more people addicted to it. Not everyone who has access becomes dependent — but it’s about statistics. The more people are exposed to an addictive substance, the more will be addicted to something.

-Whether it is &quot:right&quot:or &quot:wrong&quot:is not the issue. It makes you feel bad and he should respect that. If he uses porn for pleasure and it is not a compulsion, then you should be able to come to an agreement that you can both live with. If it is effecting his ability to function normally, then he may have a problem that needs treatment.

Ask him if he is willing to take this simple Porn Addiction Test: http://www.optenetpc.com/blog/porn-addic… It is a good place to begin a healthy discussion.

Ask him if he will agree to put a filter on his internet devices and to make your home a porn free zone: http://www.optenetpc.com/porn-filter.htm…

Don’t turn it into a fight about morals and good v. bad. Porn is very hard for people to resist. THe earlier someone is exposed, the more likely they are to develop a problem. It has the same effec on the brain as many addicting drugs. That has been proven. So while you feel he is insulting you, remember that he may be battling within himself and although he loves you, not be able to stop on his own. It has nothing to do with preferring porn to you.

Assuming this is not any type of illegal porn then you really need to stay calm over this,you have every right to believe it is a sin and to hate the stuff but what you view as disgusting is obviously something he does not.

I am guessing that like many men and also a lot of women this is just a hands off visual stimulation tool for him,it does not mean he loves you any less and of course he is going to lie and make false promises if he feels you are making a demand that to him is not reasonable,i’d like to bed that when you go to church the majority of the congregation have or do watch it but it does not mean they are bad or sinful people.

You can still be a good person and s loving and devoted husband and father or wife and mother at the same time as enjoying this material.

It is wrong that he is lying about his desire for it but i also feel it is wrong for you to give him ultimatums as you did,he is your husband as much as you are his wife and you should be willing to listen to him,to accept he is being honest about his love for you and to allow him to be his own person without living in fear or deceit.

He is not cheating on you,he is not contacting other women for sexual kicks,he is only viewing legal adult material and he is a legal adult who you have no right to control.

Why not allow him to tell you why he enjoys this? He can have the chance to explain it and how it doesn’t affect his feelings for you,he is not choosing it over you,he is wanting to be free to watch it and be with you.

Can you not come to a compromise? Tell him that if he wants to watch it then only to be discreet and not leave trails for you to find,that is if you are happier just not knowing or maybe watch just one very soft movie with him? Nothing hardcore but something that is just a little more erotic rather than dirty,it may help you to understand why he likes it,that he doesn’t value you less and you may even find it enjoyable.

I would hardly call him an addict either,he isn’t spending money on it to the point where you suffer,he isn’t losing pout on work or his social life,he isn’t losing out on time with you because you would have noticed before finding the searches and he is only hiding his actions because he knows you will be hurt and angry,if you could find a compromise he wouldn’t be lying or hiding anything.

Okay this post screams of dysfunction. Your huisband has an addiction that is so incredibly disrespectful to you and your family. he should never have a laptop, computer or any access to porn. That is like waving bags of heroin in front of a heroin addict. PLEASE do NOT have more children with him!!! Addictions get worse with time and I can tell 9from reading your post)_ just how manipulative and desperate he is for porn. he is begging you for it?? he should be begging you to NOT leave him for his behaviopr. Whether or not you are on your period has absolutely NOTHING to do with him continuing his addictive behaviopr. he is a very sick addict and unkless and until he gets serious help I , personally, would leave his sorry a**. If the tables were turned, and you were doing this to him–how long do you think he would put up with this crap??? And you have children together??? What he wants is wrong. 100% wrong. And he is trying to bully you, manipulate you, etc to continue being a porn addict. he will not change until he is ready and it sounds like he will never want to. he has absolutely NO repsect for you–your kids nor your kids.

It is very good to ask, for you never know who is actually answering. you might come up with somethig quite phenomenal. which in this case is true. You have stumbled upon, with my help, the phenomenal knowledge that will free yor husband. I am not making this up. anyhow. your marriage is not over. you are simply mistaking the reason why he i watching thsioe things. He hinmself might not know why he is watching also. The reason is hidden. It is not because its about sex. if it was just sex he has you. and its not about other sexy looking ladies instead of you. But before i tell you , I want you to recognize that how devestating thsi problem is. without me teling what is actually going on and without me informing you of the solution you would be left in a terrble situation of not knowing what to do. so please tell others about it, at least dicreetly online if yuou could, because I cannot do it alone. even thouhh I am trying :). ok so here goes: Many husbands mean when they say they are not going to watch but they are drawn to it powerfully. it is not the husband’s fault. He does not know what is being used against him, thus he does not know how to combat it. The reason why this stuff has such a powerful affect on the mind of the viewer is because the mind of the viewer is being exposed to a series of powerful mental trickery, mental manipulation. this stuff is easy to understand, because I know exactly how it works, I can explain it very easily, and I kow the solution to it. get him some help save your marriage ..see source material after my answer, but I cannot help you if you do not see a possibility of what I am saying is true.

99.9% in the world view porn of some type. The ones that say they don’t…they’re just good liars and have gotten better at hiding it over the course of time. Men are visual creatures with a higher sex drive than women and generally need a release daily. The visual = porn. I fail to see how it’s cheating to view a two-dimensional tv screen.

You don’t like porn? Make your own video for him to use instead…

Or you could:
1) Move to a deserted island
2) Become a celibate nun and live in a nunnery
3) Become a lesbian as the numbers of women that view porn are much lower

Because at the end of the day…99.9% of men view porn. Even Jim from the Duggars…and they are a pretty Godly family.

Try not being so fat and bitchy…. I mean really what are you looking for in this loaded question? You will get a lot of lop sided answers here calling for his head in a basket. The most logical answer is he looks at it because it is far easier than trying to get you in the mood for sex.I am sure you think your sex life is healthy but I doubt he does. If he got it enough he would not have the energy to want to wack it to porn. So I will say the unpopular thing here and say take a look at yourself and wonder what you are doing that is causing him to do it.

Porn is not about you. Porn is about getting off. I am a woman and I watch porn and I am married. I watch porn when my husband is not around, I use it to masturbate. I do not use it in place of him, and he and I have a great sex life. I just enjoy masturbating to porn sometime.

Your problem with porn is understandable. Not everyone has enough self esteem to really have no issue with it. It is also morally wrong, if you want to be technical, but thats not your issue with it. You think that your husband rather be with the women in the porn, than with you…but that is not true. It is most likely the sex itself that turns your husband on and not a particular person in the film.

Until you are secure with yourself and your marriage, porn will make you feel insecure. I wish you luck with that.

You are putting yourself into the center of something, putting your self worth on something, that has nothing to do with you. Odd, isn’t it? Your husband’s porn interest is about who HE has decided to be and really has just about absolutely nothing to do with you at all. And, since you have a healthy sex life, he is NOT choosing to watch that **** over being with your. He just likes to also watch it.

It’s all about who he is choosing to be. You can’t tell him who to be. You can clarify, for yourself, who you want to be with and what you want in your life. If you have decided that you will not allow yourself to be with a man who enjoys porn… gotta tell him that. Because THAT is about you. And YOU are the only person you have control over.

If porn makes you feel bad, it’s because YOU have no self-esteem. This is YOUR issue, not his.

Porn is not cheating. Porn is not a sin.

You have a healthy sex life, so the only reason porn is an issue is because you insist on making it an issue. Your marriage is NOT on the brink of being over. Quit the drama.

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