Well, the past few months, I have noticed myself looking at other girls. And, I have a strong feeling I might be gay. I never really was into guys. And, I am not right now either. By the way, I am 15 years old and I am a girl. Anyways, my mom and I and the rest of my moms side of the family are really big Christians. I love God with all my heart. My mom is totally against gayness, and I don’t know why. I have a lot of gay friends, and I know a lot of people who are gay. They are no different then us! So, I am 99% sure I am gay. I am having a difficult time wrapping my head around that, but that is just something that you cannot change about yourself, you know what I mean? You just can’t!! So, I am trying to decide on how to tell my mother. I love her to death, and I really am not sure that she will be able to accept me as a gay person. She is just the type that does not like gay people. Her beliefs hold her from that. She believes that if you are gay, you will burn in hell. I believed the same until I started finding myself. I got to thinking about the whole thing. God created us. He created the heavens and the earth. He created everything! So, why would God one day love us and then the next day dump us for being gay? I mean, we cannot help that we are gay. It’s just us. I just wish I could tell my mom that, but my mother is just not the convincing type. Now, my dad on the other hand is. I love him to death. I have had a lot of issues with him in the past, but we are doing great right now! He has a girlfriend, who honestly I cannot stand. But, I don’t have a problem with it. She has two kids, and being an only child living at home (I have 8 half brothers and sisters who are not at home) it’s nice to have other peers, as you may call it. Anyways, my dad’s brother (my uncle) is gay. So, I know that my dad and that side of the family will have absolutely no problem with my sexuality. I am happy about that. I know that they will accept me for who I am. So, I guess I am just asking how I should break the news to my mom and that side of the family. Should I just tell my parents and wait a while to tell other family members? I know that I can tell my dad and that side of the family face to face, but I cannot tell the other side of the family the same way. I always write my mom loving letters when I need to tell her something. Is that a good idea? To write her a letter? And then we can talk about it after it sets into her mind? Also, I am very scared that it will ruin my relationship with my mother. We are very tightly bound together. I love her very much, and she feels the same for me. She tells me all the time that I can come to her for anything, but I just don’t know what to do?!? If you are still reading this, thanks so much for taking the time to do so! I appreciate it very much. I am lost at this point of my life and I need some advice. Also, if you would, please tell me what you think about the religious part? Do you think God can accept me for who I am? Will gay people burn in hell? We can’t change our sexuality. Trust me. I have tried. You just can’t! Thanks so much!!
Well….to be honest, it’s probably not going to go over very well but it usually doesn’t. It’s going to be REALLY hard for your mother to accept and she may never accept it. One thing you should remeber though, it won’t change the love she has for you. I don’t think much of anything can change the love a mother has for her child. She’s going to tell you you’re going to burn in hell but remind her that it’s not up to her to make those statements. As a Christian, she should never judge. It’s Gods job to judge in the end. No single sin is larger than the next. So, judging you or condeming you to hell, is just as much of a ":sin": as your being gay.
If you and your Mother communicate better via letter, then maybe that would be a great idea. Maybe you can give it to her and let her know you’ll be in your room ready and willing to discuss the contents of the letter. Make sure you let her know how important it is to you that she respect you for who you are.
I would also suggest assurring her that you are aware of her religious views and you don’t intend to committ ":sin": in her home. Let her know it’s important that you are honest with her about who you are in order to continue having that close relationship to her. Ask her if she would rather you keep secrets from her. Thease are all things I’ve said to my mother and I think they’ve really helped her come to terms with who I am.
Feel free to email me for advise anytime! I’m from a Mexican family who are Catholic or Christian &: I’ve had to deal with all sorts of crap from them. I’m pretty good at handling all sorts of situations by now! 🙂
Found this cool web site that might be a great tool for your mother. Check it out!
You won’t go to hell, I promise- God loves you just as much as he always has and just as much as he loves your mother and everyone else. People have had a lot of difficulty interpreting the bible ever since it came into existence. There are a lot of things in it that say that one group of people is wrong or that someone should be punished to death because they did something that was considered sinful at that time that isnt considered sinful or punishable by death today. The bible needs to be read and understood within the context of the time we live in, not how things were hundreds of years ago or even 50 years ago.
The mosaic code, for instance, ‘requires’
A child to be killed if he/she curses their parent (Leviticus 20:9)
All persons guilty of adultery to be killed (20:10)
A person who takes the Lord’s name in vain is to be killed (24:16)
those are things that we would never do today! A parent wouldn’t do something like their child today, they would teach them that it is wrong to curse, but that is still written in the bible, just like the bible says that it is an ‘abomination’ to be gay but ‘abomination’ at that time meant that that something went against the traditions of christianity, not that it was immoral. Thats something you should talk to your mother about and I think it would be beneficial for you and her to visit a church where they support the LGBT community and perhaps talk to a preacher there. I’m sure that she will come around even if she doesn’t take it well at first because she loves you and you two are close.
It would be good if you could write her a long letter talking about those things and telling her about how worried you are that she won’t feel the same about you anymore, and then go and spend time at your dad’s house, telling her in the letter to phone you in a week or something, so that she can have time to think about it. There isn’t really a good way to tell someone you think will oppose you but I think that you should just go for it. I’m glad you have a supportive dad though!
I am an 18 year old Lesbian, and I just came out to the both of my parents.
I was raised in a Baptist Christian family. My religion was pushed so hard on my as a child that it slowly lost all its power. I fell out of Christianity when I heard my preacher red faced and yelling about how homosexuals are wrong for ‘choosing’ that life style, a life style that was very much against ‘Gods’ path. I, like you, couldn’t understand how the almighty ‘God’ didn’t accept people for what and who they were and are. After all, you can’t change who you are or what you’re attracted to.
Anyways, I fell out of my religion, and I admire that you are still holding onto yours. I have many friends who are gay and Christian, so do not that that you can’t be both. You might be interested in savedandgay.com –check it out.
As far as your mother is concerned, there is no ‘good way’ to come out to her. She sounds very stickler and straight on her path, and that’s okay you know, whatever floats her boat. She might seem heart broken, she might say this is a phase, she might hate it, and she might say ‘well you’re still my daughter’. Never assume. Be honest. Don’t tell her in front of a bunch of people. Take a walk, write her a note and leave it for her. Do whatever you’re comfortable with. But understand, if you’re choosing to acknowledge this lifestyle, it can be hard. Prepare yourself.
Know that you are not wrong for being who you are. Trust your instinct. You’re young too, things change, but always do what makes you happy.
If I can come out to my republican, police sergeant, conservative, Baptist father, you can do it too.
Let me know how it goes. Good luck. 🙂
Im sure your friend will be fine and stick by you. You said yourself that she is openminded and was against prop 8- so she is obviously fine with les.gay people. Tell her. She might already have guessed anyway, or she could be lesbian, because of the way she reacted to prop 8. Go ahead and tell her. You wont believe how relieved and worry-free you feel after having done that. Its nice having someone to talk to about it. Good luck : ]
here’s what i think. if you and your mom are that close then i think there should be no problem if you told her. she should love you no matter how you live your life. and if she doesnt accept you for who you are then i dont think she is a very good mother. same with other family members, if they really cared about you then it shouldnt matter.
if you plan on telling any friends, i suggest telling close friends. I’ve told my best friend and he said ":it’s okay, im still your best friend": which made it worth while. however, if theyre going to be a jerk about it then theyre not real friends and you shouldnt trouble yourself with them.