I am a stay at home mum of 2. My oldest is 4 and off to kinder soon and my youngest is only 8months. My husbands friend (who is a nice guy) calls in every now and then to see him and the last couple of times he’s asked me if and when I am planning on going to work. I know he doesn’t do it intentionally but he makes me feel horrible and I get upset that I do not contribute to the household income. The last few days, it’s been playing on my mind. I spoke to my hubby and he told me that I shouldn’t listen to his friend, lifes fine the way it is and that I need to be at home and it doesn’t bother him that he is the sole income earner. I still feel guilty. Do any of you ever feel this way and should I find daycare for my daughter and go to work? We are doing ok financially but this guy has really got me feeling like everyone thinks I am lazy.
I’m a stay at home dad of 3, and I know what you’re saying. I’ve got almost 8 years doing this and I know what you’re saying. I was with my with at a company event and someone said ":what do you do for a living": and I said ":I’m a stay at home dad": and the woman replies ":oh, so how long have you been unemployed?": I said ":I never have been, its a job to raise children when you’re not paying a stranger to do it":
Yeah, that never goes over well.
I’ve had a few of her friends say ":I have a friend who can watch those kids so you can get a job": and I have no intention of working a ":job": until I feel my kids are ready. My wife, hates the idea of me ever getting a job because she would no longer have her support role anymore. Who would make a warm meal daily? who would attend DR appts with the kids? who would stay home when they’re sick? who would clean the house? who would work on the cars when one is down? Who would blah blah blah.
If I demanded getting a job right now and went back to wkr, my wife would quit hers on the spot so she could be what I am to our family. We’re fortunate enough to have 2 people educated and able to make good money. But, we’re also fortunate enough to raise our own children and not pay a stranger who could be a pervert for all we know raise our kids.
You’re doing one of the hardest jobs on the planet. you have to be a mentor, a mommy, a nurse, a banker, an accountant, a trash man, a dirty diaper changer, a housemaid, a laundrymat, a full open kitchen, a wife, a pastor, a teacher and a million other things, and somehow keep from losing your mind from limited peer time and round the clock responsibility 24 hours a day 365 days a year. I don’t know about you, but I went to the grocery store alone 3 weeks ago without any kids and drug my feet shopping and felt guilty for the ":alone time": while mom was stuck caring for the kids. pretty damn entertaining when you think about it.
Sometimes I really want ot get a job and build wealth and buy two brand new cars and replace my aging house with a big 3 story home, but i’m reminded of all we as a family would have to give up and no amount of money is worth that. The hardest part of being a stay at home parent is losing who you are for the good of the family. at times its hard, but its even harder when someone doesn’t understand why you ":stay at home": as opposed to going and earning money. Its something I think only stay at home families understand. I didn’t have kids so someone else can raise them. Stay the course, you’ll be fine and your kids will prosper because of it.
I have been a SAHM for almost 10yrs. DO NOT feel guilty for raising YOUR children! You are contributing SOOOO much being there for your family. You do so much for your children and your hubby. You are the glue that keeps your family together. The next time your hubby’s friend calls and says this simply reply ":As soon as you are ready to come and take over my job as a mom":. Say it with a smile. Be proud of your job! You are a mom and it is harder than any other job in the world!
I’m a stay at home mum as well, i have been asked things like when are you going back to work, what do you do with your day don’t you get bord at home all day or comments like i bet all you do is watch TV all day! (mind you i am due to have our 2nd baby in 3 days) it used to get me down till 1 day i was so upset about it i was in tears to my hubby but he made me relies this is our life and we are living it the way we are. we are so happy this way and money is OK.
i did go back to work when our son was 7 months old (i lasted a year) i hated it my relation ship was on the rocks money wasn’t any better and when i wasn’t working i was cooking dinner and cleaning our house i only had 2hours a day with my son (quality time was dinner bath time and bed time not fun) so i had a blow out i said im either leaving work or him and as you can tell i left work and all is good now we are the happiest we have ever been so dont rush yourself when your ready you will know. besides your friends prob just jealous, jealous people seem to say stuff like that to make themself feel better
You will find with 2 kids that daycare will pretty much consume off of the allowance for going back to work.
Depends if you can find a job which pays good. But that is hard unless you already had one previously.
You will go to work, pretty much pay for your daycare and that it and then not be able to spend much time with your kids.
It all depends on how much you will be earning compared to how much it costs to put them in daycare. And is it worth it if your husband can survive doing it on his own.
Maybe get an at home job like making hampers, avon etc.
I 100% know how you feel! I just had this discussion with my husband the other day. His friends always ask when I’m going back to work as well. Some people in my family do too. I hate it! Do they not realize that staying home is a job in itself! I’ve recently thought about going back to work part time just to feel like I contribute!
dont feel bad at all. the first few years are the most important in the childs life and they need you there. i am a stay at home mum of one and im due today with number 2 (nothing happening,lol) nothing against working mothers but i think if u are finacially able for one of you to stay at home with the kids then go for it. it doesnt make you lazy. looking after kids is a 24/7 job which alot of guys would not be able to do. you need to do whats best for u and ur family. goodluck.
First of all, totally ignore this guy – it’s none of his business.
Secondly, be proud of what you are doing and how important it is to your family and marriage. I have been a SAHM for years, and I was the higher income earner, so of course I had the guilts really badly. However, YOU know you aren’t lazy, you know what you are doing is special and wonderful – and your husband is very obviously supportive, which is just great.
Get more confidence in yourself, and enjoy your mominess!
This is something that bugs me about society today. Women fought for the vote, the right to work and be recognized as equal etc. And now girls growing up can choose to follow any career path they want – this is great, but we’ve lost the respect of society in general if we choose to put our time and efforts into our family.
If you are desperate to work (and I don’t think you are – just want respect) consider doing family daycare a couple of days a week, for even just one extra kid. You’ll get paid to look after another kid (who you can choose) to be a playmate for your youngest, and carry on doing the same things you would normally – spending time with your kids. Unfortunately there is a load of paperwork, and you probably need to register with a family daycare centre, who will want you to do basic training, get first aid certificates etc.
Something to consider if you want to anyway.
for years and years women stayed at home with their children b/c thats how it was back then, and I think thats tradition is coming back. I think its wonderful that some women are able to stay home with their kids and be there for them. I think it builds a strong bond between mother and child. Dont feel guilty your are contributing to the household by taking care of your kids and your hubby and nothing is wrong with that.
I know how you feel, I feel so bad some times that I ":just stay home": and don’t have a income. But my husband tells me that the time I give to our son and the care he gets is priceless, that no other person will give him the love he needs from me. So just remember that your children love you and they don’t think you are not helping with the income, cuz to them you are their HERO and no one will take that away.
One of the many guilts of a SAHM. Have him come watch the kiddos and then ask him if it wasn’t work, lol. You are at work. Plain and simple. Do what is good for your family and tune everyone else out (especially men who don’t know!!). Do you think he feels guilty if he has an easier day at work? I’m sure you have harder and easier days, just like everyone else.