ive been in Iraq in this war for the last year, i have 3 more months to go. my wife was living with my folks in TN. she went home to georgia for a visit and met this guy the day after valentines day, F’d him and then went back to my parents and got all her stuff to move down with him in ga. she was staying at some of her relatives with the guy and got her old job back. hes a real winner just got out of prison for burglary and theft and hes a tattoo artist…..wow what a prize huh? i finally found out cause her uncle told me when i called the house one day. shes pregnant with his child too. i confronted her on the phone and she confessed to some but continued to lie about things. we agreed to work things out and she was getting an abortion. she couldnt go through with it she said its not the kids fault. we have a 20month old son together and i wanted to work it out for the sake of my family. she has slept with him since, i spoke with him and he told me everything. im devestated and lost
First I want to say THANK YOU for everything you are doing over their . Next you can’t force her to be with you . And could you ever trust her if you got back together . You need to do what ever you can to get your son . Is your son even safe being around this guy . You need to concentrate on getting home safely . I know it hurts but, you can’t force her to stay . And you sound to good for that .
Listen sweetie, I want to give you some motherly advice now. Leave the cheating *****. She will never change. Once a cheat always a cheat you know? I had to learn that the hard way. You are way too good for a person like that. Taking up with someone in prison and a tatoo artist while you are risking your life and could die. That’s a real winner you know.
There are plenty of nice girls out there in church when you get home who’ll love you, be faithful, and be nice wives and mother’s. I wouldn’t waste any time on her and get a divorce NOW. I’m sorry about the baby you have together but you can still see him and maybe even get custody rights. My relative went through this with his wife when he was in the Air Force. He was devastated but now he’s over her big time.
Good luck. Email me at [email protected] if you’d like someone to talk to. Good luck soldier!
I honestly think that this will not be something that you will ever be able to get over emotionally. When that baby is born, that other guy will be a part of your wife’s life whether you like it or not.
Furthermore, you mentioned that she has committed the same crime before. If she is still sleeping with this guy even after you found out, then she is playing you for the fool.
I cannot tell you to leave this woman because it is obvious that you love her. I am just hoping that you think long and hard about whether or not this is something you will be able to forget and move on.
I can also tell you that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect. There is no reason for you to settle for less than that. I am sure there is someone out there that can love you the way you need to be loved. Your son will ALWAYS have you in his life. You definitely don’t need to be with his mother to be his father.
I’m sorry about what you have to deal with. Just know that this isn’t your fault. Just realize that right now at this very moment, the only thing you have control over is your job and you need to focus on just that. There’s nothing you can really do about what’s going on at home because you’re not there physically. The time to deal with this is when you’re done and back at your doorstep. From there, you can decide what you really want to do.
You have 3 more months to go… Who knows, maybe by the time you’re back home, your feelings will have changed as well and you may decide you no longer want to be with your wife after all this. I really wish you luck.
Thank you for your service to our country.
What is your worth? What is your sons mental health worth? To stay together and try and work it out would only cause you great resentment and stress that your 20 month old son does not need. Upon returning home fight for full custody using the child endangerment reason and she is not making good choices. Just like you fought for our country,fight for you right self respect. Prayers have always been a life save and decision are not made over night. I will pray for your safe return home.
Ouch. This is the best advice that I can give you at this moment. I hope that right now, you can keep your mind on the task at hand so that you and your fellow troops will be safe. I also recommend that you speak to a commanding officer in order to recieve family counseling or conseling by yourself. No one will be able to tell you what you should do. That has and must be your decision alone. If you choose to stay, it is not going to be an easy task to forgive and move on with your relationship. This will take a long time to begin to develop a healthy relationship with her if you choose to stay. If you choose to leave again, it will be a long road to travel. You must make the best choice for you and your child. I will pray for you.
It will work to the extent she is ":content": (not happy, two different things) with the marriage. If you are simply staying in the marriage because of fear (which is her reason) and not because she has really forgiven her husband and wants him as a husband, than she is doing it for the wrong reason. Likewise, the husbands reasons for staying in the marriage shouldn’t be ":we need to work it out for the kids":. Sorry, the kids will manage in a divorced house hold. He should WANT to work it because his wife was the greatest thing that happened to him, he betrayed her badly (in a completely selfish act) and he understands that injuring a loved one in such a matter is wrong on so many levels. IMO, it plays out with a divorce but not until the kids are out of school (ie she uses him for the kids sake…ie money and because she stayed married so long she turns around and gets alimony and half the marital assets).
First let me say thank you for your service to our country, my husband is also deployed so I know what it is like for you guys and for the families left behind.
But this is NO EXCUSE for your wife to cheat on you…
You need to speak with a chaplain first and foremost and get your head straightened out.. YOUR total attention must be on other things right now instead of your wife.
You will have time enough to deal with her once you return, and she obviously is not prepared to give this other guy up so any hope to save your marriage is pretty darn low.. if she is willing to work on your marriage than you both need to speak with the chaplain, and attend marriage counseling.
IT takes two to make a marriage work, and if she is not prepared to give you 100% to the the marriage than you deserve a whole lot better than left overs.
Best of Luck And God Bless
Divorce, not a good mom for your son…what kind of example your son going to have from her and can you stand with her and lay down by her side after what happen. Especially with that guy of hers, he will always make reason to visit his child and much probably the same thing will happen again. She care for the baby in her womb but how come she didnt care about your son. She suppose to thinking about him b4 he chaeted on you. What a hyporite…..
Almost the same thing happened to my brother when he was doing his 2nd tour of duty in Iraq back in 2005. When he came back his wife had packed up and moved his daughter and one of their 2 dogs back to her mom’s house.
With little to no explanation he later found out she hooked back up with her high school sweetheart and they divorced ASAP. Now my brother is in Iraq again for his 3rd tour of duty and when he’s not there he just raises his daughter.
I suggest you file for divorce and get some greif counseling because this just has to be awful for you. This woman who was supposed to be devoted to you just forgets her vows for some loser on the streets. Its not right at all.
Working things out now that she’s pregnant will be very difficult, but its worth a shot…try marriage counseling.
I’m proud of you for being overseas and defending our country. Good luck.