Sorry, the question is misleading. I want a lot of answers.
I’ve noticed more than a few questions here that go something like this, ":I’m gay, but I’m having feeling for the opposite sex? What do I do?":
And a lot of answers like this, ":Maybe you’re bi.":
When did it become so wrong to think that maybe someone who is gay is not actually gay at all? Everyone was cool when straight people were coming out of the closet at 40 and saying they’ve been gay for their entire lives. Are there people claiming to be gay, living a gay lifestyle, being convinced they are gay and then realizing they are actually straight?
Here’s my take on your ":misleading": question (naughty you).
We are all in agreement here, I believe, when I say that our world is heterosexist. By that, I mean everything we see, hear, feel, etc. is most overwhelmingly geared towards heterosexuality. Most of us have straight parents (our first role models), we go to schools where it is clearly delineated (if co-ed) that there are ":boys room": and ":girls room": only, and that certain behaviors are ":not permitted": (e.g. hugging, kissing, etc., thereby making us all aware of heterosexual sex), churches that consecrate and honor heterosexual marriages, and preaching how ":women should save themselves up for their husbands":, advertisements that target straight couples buying homes, promotional offers from store that are ":for him and for her":…the list goes on.
In short, everywhere you look there is an ":approval": of heterosexual relationships! There is no reason for straight people to ":doubt themselves":, thinking that ":what I’m doing may be wrong": – heterosexuals are welcome in church, government, a street party, restaurants, in fact, as I pointed out, they are pretty much ":celebrated":.
It would be a stretch for someone to think they were confused about their heterosexuality, given the pervasiveness of acceptance of it.
This varies 180 degrees with how gay people feel. All our lives, we have been taught it is ":abnormal":, an ":abomination":, there is practically nothing in mass media that even hints/mentions at having a successful gay relationship (forget about ":celebrating": our unions!), we are egged on by parents and relatives ":When are you getting married?": (to the opposite sex, of course).The only kind of acceptable ":news": about us is when they report that gay men have numerous AIDS cases, gay men are promiscuous or are child molesters…
So some of us in the LGBT community try to live life as a ":hetero": and then realize that we are actually fooling ourselves by doing that.
Your case (a gay person who ":realizes": s/he is straight after all) would be very hard to come by.
eh… we’re living in a hetero-majority society, where the media circulates mostly hetero things, and being hetero isn’t hated on by the general public anywhere that i know. most guys that waited until 40 or so to come out of the closet generally had a good reason for doing so – being gay hasn’t had such a wide support in the past. with people actually being convinced that they are gay, and living a gay LIFE (or do you all add style to the end of life because we’re stylish?), and then ":realizing": that they are actually straight… well, if that does happen, then it’s probably very uncommon, and is completely different than a guy pretending that he’s straight and coming out as gay (knowing but hiding vs. being and then changing/realizing). although, in today’s society, there really isn’t a good reason that i can think of (other than a traumatic experience) that would lead you to believe that you are gay before straight… and for such a long time. i mean, why would you hide from being straight (some gay/bi people try to deny that they are gay/bi to themselves)?
The only reason why this anti-gay thing is wring is because it is already in the government. The reason people are anti gay are mostly because the bible tells them so ( or just the old testament, if ur a Jew ). I believe in religion not being part of the government, especially in a country like America, were there are so many different religions here. Its not that I think the bible is wrong, but I , and many people believe it is ridiculous.
First off, honey, when someone is asking the question the way you posed it, the logical answer would be that maybe they are bi.
Most people would offer that answer.
Second, people don’t just suddenly decided to ":live": a ":gay": lifestyle. Every person, including myself, who is really gay or lesbian or trans has gone through years of soul searching and denial to get to the place where we can finally say what we are.
We don’t just wake up one day and say ":Oh, I’m going to do the gay lifestyle, wheee!": and it’s all fun and games.
Nobody goes through that kind of stress unless they really are gay. So that’s why people aren’t mislead into thinking that they’re gay and suddenly realize that they’re straight.
some people just get confused, everyone! and i mean EVERYONE! has their curious stage where they think they might be gay and some people think that they are because of it and then come out to be gay, but their not they were just curious and just got confused.
the response ":you might be bi": is only because its an easier response some of these questions you talk about they also say ":but i do love my bf/g/f": well if they have feelings for both then they might be bi.
i would not be upset if any of my friends told me they were straight…maybe alittle shocked cos their all either really femme or really butch, but i would not be upset (well unless i fancied them…then id be alittle bit like ":WHY!!!!": LOL!!)
alot of people think they might be gay because they get turned on by the same sex touching them and stuff, but actually by human reaction any gender person can turn someone on if they touch the right places cos the brain automatically senses sexual advances so prepares your body for it, gender is the last thing your brain sees when it comes to that, its the emotional feelings that decide if your gay or not and will counter act your bodys reactions.
sorry im not very good at explaining, but hopefully my answer has alteast put some light on abit of your question.
Given how difficult it is to come to grips with being gay (there’s usually a variably massive period of denial, which is why you get the 40-year-old outings), I find it hard to believe one would come out to be gay and actually be straight the whole time.
Maybe, someday down the road, when there’s no stigma associated with homosexuality, there’ll be people who ‘guessed wrong’, said they’re gay when they’re really straight.
I think what creates the stereotype (and God, I’m getting sick of using that word on this site, but LGBT affairs are full of ’em!) of ":bi now, gay later": or ":bi is just a phase": is that bisexuality is often a comfort zone for people to figure out what they really are with the pressure of black-and-white taken off. So I have no problem introducing that ":maybe you’re bi": possibility.
And, shocker, a lot of these people -are- bi. 🙂
OK – I met my wife at an art show. I had my boyfriend on my hip at the time. I said, ":Wow, she’s beautiful.’ when I laid eyes on her. I was instantly in the dog house.
We got married some time later. Later on we chose a husband together. All 3 of us live together.
I grew up with EVIL women. I knew women were NOT going to be my pleasure. Men consequently were. They still are mostly. And then I met Ynhared.
Getting hung on the label, I would’ve never married her. I cam out – I did the hard one. This is NOT happening.
I just got off a chat with another buddy in Kansas. He’s out. And now he’s all excited over women. OK – be excited. I have seasons.
It happens – and when it did to me, I lose all of my Gay ":friends.": I was a turncoat. I was [email protected] up or something – they hated me.
All this doesn’t make me ":anti-gay.": My best friends are gay.
It’s not wrong to be anti-gay but if you are anti-gay most people will start calling you a homophobe because according to the whole homosexual community if you aren’t for them then you are automatically a homophobe, or closet homosexual
People need to stop asking other people what they think they are and go and find out for themselves by dating or having sex with someone of the same sex to find out. Thats the only way to know.
Allot of those guys who come out later in life were insecure with their sexuality, so they tried to lead a straight lifestyle, and when it couldn’t satisfy themselves, they finally came out and accepted it.