I have 4 children the youngest has just started school. I have a lovely family and Husband however I am very unhappy and feel I have lost my identity, I feel like Cynderella, a mother, a cook, a cleaner, a nurse, etc etc but I have lost me. I love my Husband but I have lost my sex drive completely. Has any one else ever felt like this and how can I get it all back
This happens to most, if not all, mothers at some point in time. If it is possible, arrange a little vacation for yourself – let papa do the work for a weekend.
Another remedy might be to get a trusted one to stay with the kids for the weekend, so you and hubby can have a romantic weekend.
Either way, you’ll get some rest. The second way, you may get your romantic urges back. Best of luck!
Just about any woman who has four children can say amen at this point. To be sure you almost have lost your identity because five other people have demands on it. But here is the good news. You can find it , and be even better to that lovely family of yours.You’ve got to take a couple of hours a day for you, and you only. The family needs to be made aware of some changes that are about to take place in the home.
There needs to be more sharing of household responsibilities. Change won’t come easily, but if you stick to it, it will happen.Set down and map this plan out girlfriend. Plan your day to allow time out of the house. This time MUST be spent with you, and you only in mind.( no picking up little things for the family while u are out).Join a club, take a class, get a life girlfriend. One day the kids will be grown and gone, and your husband will be watching cable, and u won’t have a thing to do, if you don’t start doing something for you now. Your life is a gift fron God, what u do with it is your gift to Him.
I have felt that way. I have 2 kids. My oldest is almost 7 and my youngest just turned 4 in May. I don’t really know any good answers. I did tell my husband that is how I felt and that I needed him to do more around the house. I had started going to a night out with my girlfriends one night a week. It was a Bible study at one of their houses, but there were no men and no kids allowed. So that helped me out a great deal. The sex drive was the hardest. I haven’t had a sex drive since I got pregnant with my youngest. We have have fought and fought (or discussed and discussed as my hubby would say) about sex and the lack of it. I have recently just put my mind to it that I was going to let him have it and enjoy it as much as possible. It’s been working so far. I have a self-image problem that I’m working on. I haven’t liked how I look since I had my youngest. I still have at least 20 pounds to loose from that pregnancy and 5-10 of just extra weight. Once I feel good about how I look, I know the sex drive will come back.
Just hang in there. Does he know how you feel? Is he willing to help out around the house and give you a night out?
We have also recently started going out with out the kids or having them spend the night with grandparents so we can be ‘uninhibited’.
Welcome to the world of motherhood! We women with kids put the kids and hubby before ourselves every time. And YES, you have lost part of your identity. I’m so proud that you realized it before they were all grown! Do something nice for yourself now that they are all in school. Take a class, get a part-time job: or just go pamper yourself. Do some exercise and make a few new friends. I guess you’re so tired with the kids and housework that you just don’t have any desire for hubby right now. You will get that back when you break the routine of being put last on your own list. Start by telling your hubby how you feel. Perhaps you guys can take some ballroom dancing together….nothing like a nice dance to get the flames burning again! Good luck,honey….we gals all know how you feel. Get your confidence back….think of those things you wanted to do when you were without those younguns’…go back to being ":you":…that includes going after those dreams you put on hold. God Bless.
i am a mother of 4 also and i have been with husband for 6 years i feel like a cook a cleaner a docter and so on but this is what i chose to do when i got married and had my kids
however while the kids are in school take time for you go shopping or to a movie go to lunch with a friend
take a long hot bubble bath just turn the phone off hire a babysitter and go to a hotel for a night with the husband my kids are 8 , 5 , 3 , 17 months so its hard for me to get alone time
but thats what friends and family are for ask them to watch the kids for a little bit or something
as for the sex drive have you tryed watching adult movies with your husband im sure he would enjoy that
i use to hate the adult movies and i gave in to my hubbie one night and watched one with him and let me tell you it was even better
hope this helps
I have 2 kids and have been married for 12 years. I started going through this about 4 yrs ago. I decided to get a job that worked around the kids school schedule. I also went back to school last year besides working. I thought it was impossible to do because in the past what I wanted always came last to everyone elses needs. I made it work and made my hubby pitch in more around the house and with the kids. I am feeling much better about myself. I now have goals in life again. My sex drive is much better. It went from about once a month to about 4 times a week. Now everyone is happier.
The real key is to take care of yourself and your needs and not to always put everyone elses in front of yours.
I have been to this point.The problem is you are centering all of your attention to your family.Although not a bad thing,you do need to take a day or so for yourself.Go to the salon,get your hair and nails done.Or just soak in a nice hot bath for a hour or so.Then when you get out,fix your hair and make-up.Your husband should love it when he comes home to the":new":you.The attraction he has towards your ":new": look will also give you an attraction as well.This should help make you feel more sexy and desirable,helping your outlook on sex improve.Hope this helps you.
I do feel like that, almost exactly. I talked to my husband recently about it. I am going away next week. Not sure when or if I’m coming back. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder and if it doesn’t then I know what I need to do. I’m not sure if I still love my husband, though, or if I’m staying because of the security. I know I care about him, but don’t feel the way I used to by a long shot. Good luck to us both.
Hang on in there honey, don’t feel like you’re the only one going through this, there was a lot of work and drudgery in marriage but all you see and hear about is the roses and the romance.
Nothing good comes easy.
I know this sounds weired but train yourself to love making love to your husband again.Just imagining another woman giving him sex galvanises me to seduce mine at least once a week.
Find something you love to do, plan for it and do it at least once a week (even if it is reading, I mean, especially if it is reading)even for an hour or two.
Inhale first, then exhale.
does your hubby help with any of the house work? or with the children. if not he should. i feel like that too sometimes but i take a day or two off a month or so. my hubby will take our duaghter to family and let them watch them for a night or two. look hun just because your a mom it doesnt mean you cant have a day off to pamper your self. go to a salon or take a bubble bath with candles and some soft music. get a maicure or pedicure. as far as sex goes. it is still good for me. also get rid of the kids for a night and plan a night for you and your hubby go out to a nice dinner watch a movie and get romantic at home. well good luck hun.