IMPORTANT NOTE: No Gods No Religions, No Bullshit. If you wanna help, it has to involve something demonstrably real: and not hypothetical. Jesus, Ra, Zeus, Yehova, Shiva, Amaterasu, Glooskab, Allah, Satan, Thor – they might exist, they might not. Plug that **** somewhere else. I need REAL ANSWERS, not ACCEPT JESUS NOW or YOU’LL GO TO HELL, SINNER! or anything like that. I’m agnostic, ACCEPT IT.
Okay, so I’ve been horribly abused my whole life. I’ve posted a similar question on Yahoo answers a LOT of times, but now I’m just sick of the bullshit. My life has been ******* horrible, filled with abuse, violence, and alienation. I got the **** kicked out of me by a babysitter I had when I was younger, my mom was never around, my dad verbally abused me, my friend committed suicide, I get made fun of by other people non-stop. That’s only the beginning, by the way.
I can barely socialize, and whenever I try to I end up ******* myself up even worse than I already am. I want a girlfriend, since that’s the only time I’ll ever be loved by somebody else, and I asked out a girl a few days ago and she turned it into a practical joke. I’m so ******* miserably alone, and it’s been this way my whole life except for the six-month expanse when I was with my first Girlfriend, who loved me. The only person who ever has. I’m ******* horribly alone and people treat me like ****, making fun of me for being different and not having a girlfriend and being a loser. I write a lot, since that’s the only talent I have: and I’m up to page 173 in my autobiography. People tell me I’m creepy, a freak or a ******* loser for doing that – the only thing that brings me any joy. Nobody ******* loves me except for one person (my aforementioned first girlfriend), who lives in Florida and isn’t here to hold me any more. I’m ******* horribly alone, and I told myself for a while that it’d be better in the future. I’m not going to put up with this bullshit anymore, and unless life gets better soon I’m gonna put a ************* slug in my head. If anybody here can give me a reason not to, go ahead – I might die tomorrow, I might die in a week or a year. We’ll see how long I can hold out.
More detail can be found at questions of mine like What the Hell should I do? and When is anybody ever going to love me? which are questions I posted that detailed how shitty-******* miserable my life has been in much better detail. Also, don’t drag Religion into this (unless it’s something like the Bhagavad Gita or something Buddhist – that I can deal with. Just no Monotheism, please), and don’t tell me I’m being a whiny ****. I’ve had to deal with a lot. I’m not just bullshitting.
Because there is someone out there who would be devastated by your act and who would be sad and guilty for the rest of his/her life for not reaching out to you.
You’re not a loser, you’re just in a rut. Get out of your comfort zone, participate in things you wouldn’t normally with people who don’t yet know you. Nothing crazy, maybe a once-a-week cooking class in the next town over.
You have to get to a place where you like yourself before you try for a relationship or it will never last, so don’t make that your end-game fix-all.
Any God can help you unless you seek out the help, so no religious drivel from me. Any philosophy can bring you comfort if you really want it.
You’ve written 173 pages in your autobiography– aren’t you curious how it will evolve over the next 20 years?
Listen, your baby isn’t even aware of anything at this point. It can’t be scared and will have no concept or understanding of even existing. Yes you’re too young to have a child, especially if you can’t raise or take care of it, but killing yourself does nothing. Since you believe in god and heaven why not just wait and live your life until you die of natural causes? You’ll be with it eventually regardless. Honestly it sounds like you’re really not thinking clearly and need some help. Talk to someone ASAP.
You say you enjoy writing. It is the only time that brings you joy. Why don’t you pursue this in a profession? I don’t know your age or your education, but there are places you can seek help to find out what you need to do to become a professional writer. There are many fields you can enter. A news reporter, an author, the TV and movie industry, advertising. The list is endless. Go to a college and speak with a counselor, they can not only give you much information but also help you enter college. You need a goal. Something you want to achieve. And the happiest people are those who do what they really enjoy doing (and it don’t hurt to get paid for it too). All the other stuff, like love, marriage and kids will follow. Have patience and keep your eye on your goal. Learn from all the bad stuff that has happened, work hard for YOUR future, and learn to be happy. It won’t be easy, but I have faith you can do it. Believe in yourself! Good luck
Firstly, I’m really horrified for you that your life has been so difficult. No one deserves that. Sending you a virtual hug.
I can understand how killing yourself would seem like an option, one person can only take so much. I guess to me it sounds like you could use a fresh start. And I don’t mean by taking your life – is it a possibility for your to travel? Go and see some new places/meet new people that might help to take you out of your own world and take the focus for you off your pain?
I haven’t read your other questions so I haven’t got anymore detail about what happened to you, but have you tried to talk to a professional about what’s happened? Sorry if that sounds totally cliched but I do know lots of people who have found therapy really helpful and benefical in putting the past where it belongs.
I’m not religious either so I don’t think you’ll go to hell or whatever if you decided to take your life, but know that if that happened – then I would care. I take it you are in the US, I’m from Melbourne, Australia. I guess if I can offer you anything, then know that when you’re feeling **** that someone across the other side of the world gives a sh*t.
I’m agnostic as well, and I’ve thought of suicide, but the thing is, if atheists are right, and there is now afterlife, then I don’t want to die, I’d be too scared that there is not afterlife.
Life sucks, and I don’t blame you for thinking about that, but please don’t do it. I cut myself, I know it’s not a good thing, but suicide is a whole different story.
You may be doing this so people you are mad at will feel guilty, or because life is just too hard. But DON’T kill yourself. Don’t give in. As hard as it may be, you have to be strong, and move along. If you kill yourself, that means you’ve lost, and that you’ve let the world win. You may think no one will miss you, a lot of people do, but you are wrong. People will miss you. When you kill yourself you’ll be taking a part of your family and friends with you. They will never recover.
So let’s make a deal, please. If I keep on living, then you have to keep on living. Let’s make that deal. Maybe one day you’ll look back on this and be grateful you didn’t give up.
I wish you luck.
I believe u k? Just, do u know how bad suicide is? I know, u just want to end everything ur going through right? U don’t want anyone judging u anymore? U just want to escape but once that bullet hits ur head, you’ll realize everything u’ve missed in life!!!! U only live once!!!! No one’s perfect (don’t worry, didn’t get that from Hannah Montana!!!) I’m going through the same thing and I write everything down only when I think it’s made a big influence in my life. Could u tell me what ur going through? [email protected] I want to know more!!! If u look at life differently, that’s sort of what I’ve learned to do, then you’ll realize all the things u still have the opportunity to do? First off, are u good in school? Do u have at least one friend besides ur girlfriend? Keep writing things down k? One day, if u do plan on killing ur self (PLEASE DON’T!!!!!!) then someone who finds ur book will understand what ur going through!!! What did ur babysitter do to u?? What did ur dad do to u??? I can help u if u let me k? Life sucks, i know!!! Do u wanna know how many times I’ve thought of running away?? I got out the door once but my stepmom caught me and yada yada yada….. Hope this helped and PLEASE email me!!!
Honey,you sound like my boyfriend. I feel your pain &: anguish. Man this is tough. I tried commiting suicide 20 yrs ago. I took 60 anti depressant pills.Then God slapped me across the face &: I heard, ":YOUR KIDS!": So I dialed 911. It took them all frickin’ nite to save my life! Then…JOY waking up in the funny farm! I am really greatful I survived, mainly cuz I’ve had the best times &: experiences of my life since then.I would have missed out on soooo much more life to live!! You do too! Sweet, you have to make your life happen. Your not just in a nightmare watching your life as it goes by, you must take control of your life &: live &: learn.Thats why your miserable. The [email protected]#ty cards you were dealt as a kid sucks, but now you dont continue the abuse to yourself. You have to make sure your taking care of Matt today! You deserve love &: happiness.If you need to relocate by moving &: starting over than do that. Sounds like your town is full of dumb [email protected]#$ anyway. At least you have ‘A’ talent, (writing) thats awesome Matt! The only people worthy of being close to you are those wise enough to lok beyond any quirks you may have (which we all do) (your just magnafying yours!) But only those who know a good thing when they see it! Right on &: good nite Matt.
okay 2 things 1: go to a gym work out build some muscle, this releases endorphins that make you feel better.
2: there are people who are a lot worse off than you. for example, my mum died when i was 4, and my dad died when i was 15. be thankfull that you even have parents.
maning up will give you more confidence, there’s being sensitive then there’s just being a whiney *****… you are the latter, chin up and enjoy the little things.
Well it’s obvious you don’t want to kill yourself that is obvious my dear because if you wanted to you would have. Hold on now let me finish. You said not to mention God etc I’m going to my dear not for you for me, take it or leave it. You have to believe in something when life deals you a bad start. But that is left for you to decide what suits you, interestingly you did say you like Buddhism. And if i’m right its about body soul and has elements of spirituality which i’m a great believer of. It’s funny we can take all the religions in the world adds bits of each and make it our own.
I’ll tell you in short we may have never met but our lives have met. . I picked up bad relationships along the way no self esteem. My house was filled with physical and verbal abuse, a sibling tried to kill themselves 20 times due to it and drug abuse, another sibling moved home and never looked back the pain and past too hard to deal with etc and the root of the matter was an appalling start to this life by my mother. We are all products of that bad seed. Everyday I fight to be strong its a hill i climb everyday with prayer. I say please God give me patience today, please God make etc when I feel troubled. Yes we all do the why me syndrome and you do have a right to do that so let know one say you can’t. Once you have done that you got to think of plan B how you are gonna make your life better. You think of the ole ex because that is a safe place for you now if she wanted to come back in your life how could she or anyone you are not marketting material my dear at all.
We (I included) have no control over what we had to start with but we do the minute we get big and can make effective changes. I tried everything to make my mum see her ways etc, trying all the time to make her see to no avail. Pointless my dear. I choose to make a hell of a difference in my childrens lives because I know what I know about mistreat and i’d cut my own hand off to hand that down to my children.
It’s up to you if you take your life but you have so much to teach your children your wife and the world out there you have so much experience to change the lives of others but you want to kill yourself and take away such powerful tools and knowledge you know first hand. The boys who go to war and come back tramatised by what they have seen, because of their experience the doctors are able to diagnose their symptons. Many ex-men and women survive a lot longer after the war when they come because the earlier ex men and women paved the way for the present ones because of the symptom that were not diagnosed for them are now being diagnosed for the ones today and they are helped because of their experience. I hope you get what I mean. You could save so many people you are gifted with so much first hand knowledge and experience that not even the academics could really help but this is first hand experience of such abuse. I help my kids and make their lives better with the knowledge and experience i have. Even your autobiography is an amazing tool to us and me there’s always more to learn but you got to be alive so when I read it i can ask you questions you leave a legacy of information but you won’t be around to answer my questions etc.
I feel and hear your pain but if i wasn’t here today I wouldn’t have met my children.
Keep in touch and may you have peace wherever you are..I’ll remember you because for the first time i’ve met someone who knows exactly how i was feeling for many years. I’m priviledge to have met you before it was too late.
you are an aqngry young man — and i will only answer your question — you shouldn’t kill yourself because you will leave a legacy of sorrow behind you — with no answers — and you will be branded a coward — coz you took the easy way out with not a thought for the feelings of anyone else — good luck