Why do members of a family try to hold someone down?

I mean siblings, brothers, sisters who belittle or insult each other or parents that do it to their kids and make growing up and developing independence incredibly difficult? Because, someone is always there to kick you metaphorically as you are gaining in self esteem or confidence? From a young age, I have memories of my parents getting into rages, my dad threatening me with a belt for things I didn’t do, my mother ‘enjoying’ being an intermediary supposedly protecting me on my behalf (it seemed like it was fun to her). My brother molested me and bullied me to stay silent. I slept in the same bedroom as my parents till age ten because my sister wanted her own room and my rights or my dignity as a person were completely ‘poo pooed’ so to speak and I started to feel like an object more than a person because people said or did what they wanted to me. My brother who is 24 still to this day has a bad attitude to me: aggressive, dominating, bullyish which my other brother says is ‘a clash of egos’ which it is not, it is one person bullying another. My father would always get into rages with me growing up again not for anything I really did. My mother would kick me when I was grieving the death of a pet acting rejecting, cold and unloving. I cannot cry anymore when someone dies. When my dog died this last summer I was completely cold and couldn’t give a **** because the last time I did my mother was like in a harsh tone ‘get over it’..I could not express any vulnerability or sadness in my home because of her coldness, my father being an asshole, my brother a bully and molester..Even as I am older, my sister speaks over my head like I am insignificant amongst the family while telling me not to speak over her 1 year olds head?? My brothers side with my parents as though I am the ‘bad ungrateful child’ of the family and because they have this strength in numbers it almost makes them right or something?.I don’t speak to my father anymore and my brother thinks I am horrible because of that but he is fine with everytime my father has been an asshole to me and hurt my feelings or slapped me across the head calling me a stupid *****??I didn’t do the rejecting in the first place by saying things like ‘tell it to someone who cares’ when I solicited him for help to stop my brother bullying me..Why am I like an object without feelings in the family but the moment I step out of line or if I were to be mean or unkind, it makes me horrible??This is a real issue for them. It seems I am always disadvantaged?? My mother even tells me I am ungrateful, why don’t I look at the good things, I am spoiled etc. because I take issue when she puts me down and tells me the things I cannot do. I have felt so depressed from a very young age living here. I am 21 now getting a grad degree so I can start a new life. Although in my childhood I had very little toys, I had no proper birthday parties and even when I did have a little family one they would always forget the things I loved or really desperately wanted while I watched all the other kids around me treated as special, important people I always felt sidelined, ignored, dismissed..I have always been fed and clothed but it seems that is all my mother ever had any emotional capacity for–these tangible physical things.I am the black sheep of the family but why do they find being mean to me to be ‘fun’ and act like they are good people and bond with each other and treat each other well????

When I bring things up with my mom she is always like ‘what are you still doing here then?’..or threatens to kick me out or says that alot of parents kick their children out at 18 whenever I take issue and tell her how I feel about being put down or hurt?? I am not going to leave this house until I am financially stable and able to. I tell her this. I am not going to let them ruin me as a person. My brother says it is hypocritical for me to stay here when I don’t speak to my father and still let him pay the bills. It feels like everyone is making things hard for me.. My whole developing self from the youngest age was kicked and treated as an inferior in the family and when I take issue with that everyone denies and minmises things and then when I do take a stand it is like ‘lets kick you out’ or leave then My attitude is..they have lost all of my respect from a young age by mistreating a vulnerable child for fun or ignoring and hurting the developing sense of self in them so I am sure as hell going to make sure I am ready before I leave this house. I am not going out into the world crippled, disadvantaged by circumstance where noone cared for my feelings. I am going to keep my enemies closer so to speak and take them for what I can get to be ruthless. I am made to feel wrong for protecting myself from my father who is abusive to me…They say that lots of college students work full time during college and live away but I live near my college and it would cause an awful lot of stress, I would come out wi

You won’t be ruined as a person because you have to complete your education very slowly. Many successful people have to do it that way. But you can’t accomplish very much in your current frame of mind. I have no idea why they are the way they are. All I can say is that you should get out as quickly as possible. Then see a counselor right away to evaluate your life from a safe distance. You need your own personal space, so don’t be afraid. It’s not going to ruin your life. You may just have to accept that it’s going to take longer than you planned.

I feel so bad for you. IMO, several members of your family could benefit from counseling as they appear to have symptoms of personality disorders which are mental illnesses. You could search that on the internet. When I began to research that, I could understand why some people treat others so badly but it still makes me very angry. Since your family members do not seem to take responsibility for their actions toward others and are generally disrespectful in most every way, they refuse to see how they affect you. I would say that you are on the right track. Finish your education if it is not going to be a really long time and then get out on your own as soon as you can. You do not want to spend much more time in that home. Ask at your college if there is counseling available. This will help you to be able to tell someone about all of these things. If you stay in that situation for a long time, you may suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. They are being abusive. Nobody even has to touch another person to be abusive. Abuse is all about power and control. I will pray for you. Good luck to you.

I completely understand the unfairness of your situation. What I have Learned so far is that once family assign a role to you it is almost impossible to change it. I have moved out and see my family 3-4 times a year but still fall foul to old dynamics. That said however: I am growing as a person and slowly shedding the self-opinion my family helped create and forging a stronger more positive one.

My advice is move out asap and let the healing begin. It is hard to feel anything but resentment when they are in your face daily. You need perspective to move on.

Best of luck with everything. You deserve to be happy. 🙂

i am sorry for your suffering and i feel your pain. i would not begin to know where to start my story, but all i can tell you is that i feel your sorrows i really do. I can only pray that the Lord provides you with all the healing that you need and also that you are able to forgive, not necessarily the people that have done you harm and caused you pain, rather yourself for whatever guilt you think you might feel. it is not your fault and i too suffer in silence with the exception of this page. I can only tell you that vengeance is His and that what goes around comes around my dear. ask the Lord to guide you and to provide you with the necessary options to change your life situation. God bless you and keep you safe.

That would depend on the maturity level of the siblings you’re talking about. Mature siblings who are confident and have a perfect level of self-esteem would not have to resort to such subversive tactics to make themselves feel good/better.

Stars, you’ve heard of a nest of vipers? That’s what you are living in. There is no way to justify their actions, especially your parents’. You could work, it would take away from your studies though.

You can’t change the past, but it doesn’t have to determine your future.

This is too long for me to read. Make a shorter summary and then I can help you.

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