I know this is a bit long but please take the time to read this and give me some coping advice
please don’t judge me for what i am about to write, i’m Simply expressing my feelings
I have a new 4 months old son 1st child for me second child for my b/f he has a 6 years old girl, Me and him do not live together due to financial reasons. When i became pregnant we were Living in the same apt but once the pregnancy came he lost his job at 5 months and i was simply not making enough income so I went back home to my parents, ever since then everything has just gone downhill,
I feel like our relationship is no longer a romantic relationship and has all of a sudden turned into a Business Transaction. He makes it seem like it’s a job for him to come and spend quality time with me or our 4 month old.
like i mentioned before he has a 6 year old girl from a previous relationship that ended 3 years ago (that relationship lasted 7 years prior to their break-up 3 years ago) I can’t help but feel an immense amount of jealousy when he spends time with his daughter and baby momma. I wish he would bring his daughter along to spend time with me and our son, that way the 4 of us can work on making the relationships amongst us better, before my son was born, me him and his daughter us to do things together but of course now that my son is here I have my 1st responsibility which is my new born he is now my priority not him or his other daughter, things have changed
However he spends his time alone with his daughter and the bm, he claims that it’s because his daughter aways wants mom and dad to come together places.
I know that im being selfish with my feelings but i cant help but think what goes on when the 3 of them are still going out doing family things. I’m terrified to think in my heart that maybe he secretly wishes the 3 of them would still be together as a family.
I think now that me and my son have entered the picture my b/f has started to reflect on he previous failed relationship and so has she and i believe all of sudden they are reliving emotions that maybe were out of sight until i came along
another issue that i have is that they share the same close circle of friends for example her best friend and his best friends are siblings
is it possible that he is falling back in love with her?
another small little thing i noticed is last time i was at his place he had a picture of the 3 of them placed in his china cabinet, im sure its nice for his daughter to see that however his daughter does not live with him so, i feel that its a bit out of place…am i wrong?
i would say he is still interested in working out his previous relationship with his ex because it is just as important for your son regardless of age to see a family unit so that is no excuse, he should be bringing his daughter with the 3 of you and not spending time with his ex regardless of what the daughter wants to see, that is more so unhealthy for her to see him going back and forth and not seeing a clean break up, that only causes confusion
does his ex have her own place, maybe he likes how she is more independent and supporting herself, if not then maybe she is the one seducing him just for the fact that she realizes he has another family option and she wants her cake and to eat it to.
bottom line why would you want this for you or your son, your feelings are normal and most woman wouldn’t even put up with him going on outtings with his ex i mean you have to pull teeth in order to feel like he is YOUR significant other,
spending time with his daughter is one thing but he cant have an excuss with the 3 of them alone going out.
i would give him an ultimatum, either you can spend time as a family of 4 w,o the ex or if he chooses to keep seeing the ex your outa there and can find a better dad figure for your son.
Your problem isn’t jealousy. It is real. You have a worthless man who doesn’t take care of business, doesn’t take care of you and spends his time with the woman before you. He lies, he makes excuses for everything and I bet he blames you for whatever and whenever. The sooner you discover he is worth less than the skin he is wrapped in and ditch him and just take care of business for you and your baby the sooner you will feel less jealous. You are living a lie. You believe this waste of skin is going to do the right thing and every day, reality disagrees with that. I hate like the dickens being so harsh with you because you are the one being done the injustice but you need to open your eyes and make a decision to move on with your life or you will find your window of opportunity starting to shut in your face. You know why he spends more time with the 6 year old? She is easier to deal with than the baby. You can lie to a six year old and be a big hero. If you don’t change a baby’s diaper, he will give you nothing but s–t! Best of luck. Move on. Do the same thing to him his last boss did — fire him!
Sounds like you are out of the loop. Even if you guys ended up getting married i would never trust the relationship between him and his ex. They just have too much together and you shouldn’t have to worry about that as long as you are with him. Any girl deserves better than that. I would tell him your concerns and if he doesn’t seem to care enough then I would start trying to move on and show him that. If he still doesn’t care enough then I’d really just move on. It’s easy to be brutally honest when it’s someone else’s relationship but that’s the best voice of reason. The sooner you come to terms the sooner you will feel better.
theres no need to have a picture of the woman unless he wants it there. sorry.
this is a huge problem of having kids with someone that already has kids in an undefined relationship. since you have a child with him, its more than about just you two, I would ask him directly. Don’t be mad. Ultimately you want a father for your child and and for your child to know his half sister, right? Focus on that. If you guys can work things out, great – if not, be mature and put your daughter #1. You’ll meet someone else – look for someone without kids to avoid this next time. good luck.
That you don’t live together should tell you something: a man who was interested in being a family with you and your son would’ve found a way for the three of you to share a home. Sorry…
personally im a jealous persn and im 8 months pregnant with my first…. my baby’s father has a little girl by another woman and him her and the baby are never alone together… me and him are a family now and reguardless what the little girl feels… she is a part of my life and her mommy and daddy are not together… if he is trying to put on a front and be with his daughter and bm alone more often than before i would think there is something going on and i would tell him that if he wants to be a family he needs to include you and your baby in all events not just the ones he picks… i love my baby:s father to death and no matter what we have been through im always going to stick by his side but he would be hearing it from me if i were in your shoes…
I think your b/f is trying to make it easier on his kid even though he is not realising he is leaving you and your son out. All you have to really do is tell him that your son is growing up without a father and that his father and half sis will miss out on whats really important e.g. first steps, first word etc if things continue like this
there is no reason you shouldn’t be jealous- anyone would.
he is giving you a huge hint you just aren’t taking. you are being played, you are not this guys partner, and his relationship with this other woman sounds like more than a ":business transaction":. sorry but it’s time to get used to life as a single mum.