I am very newly married. My husband will not have sex with me at all. even when i beg him and try to turn him on he gets aroused but always turns me down. he says ":sex isnt everything":. we have had sex once since we have been married.. Im at my wits end i dont know what to do. I even offer to just let me do oral sex on him just so that i can be with him and he says no. I dont belive he is cheating but i have no idea what to do. please help. ive tried everythign. He doesnt work. I work and pay the bills, and i let him do whatever he likes and enjoy his hobbies.
This is not an insult,rude or sarcastic answer. I have seen this twice in my life with friends. The phrase ":sex isn’t everything": was said by both AFTER they got married. Within 2 years both were divorced and left their wife for another MAN.
Both instances they enjoyed healthy sex lives before they got married. One of the men (I was best man in their wedding, we were that close) told me later, that he did it because he knew that’s what he had to do. He didn’t want to be gay and did everything he could to show otherwise. He totally regretted the pain he put his ex through and the fact his lie messed up her world. They are wonderful friends now, after a couple of years of cooling off.
Not a happy answer I’m afraid.
(or he could be cheating and is guilty as sin which is keeping him from performing or even trying)
There is something he is not telling you. The only things I can think of are that he is cheating on you, and i know you trust him but that doesn’t mean he isn’t cheating. Or maybe he is afraid of getting you pregnant, maybe the thought of being a dad scares him out of having sex or it is something mental. The only way to fix the problem is to get him to talk about it. Also I don’t agree with you working and not him. WTF!!! Unless he is going to school or something like that he should be working, not being a leech. If your the only one working I’d tell him its either have sex with me or get a job. You shouldn’t be the only one contributing to the marriage.
Also Eric W. makes a good point, but I hope he is wrong for your sake. Good Luck!
Annulment Now !
There is something very wrong here .
You should evaluate your situation in a most serious manner .
Go to a councilor if it makes you feel any better and speak to them.
BUT !! There is something VERY VERY wrong here .
If you were my daughter, I would come over and move you out of the house right now . This guy has MAJOR MENTAL ISSUES !!
Be careful around him and keep both eyes open at all times .
That’s certainly unusual… Did you have sex before you got married? Is it possible that his turning you down is a reflection of some sort of insecurity in regards to his sexual competence? Considering the fact that this is abnormal behavior (and I’m sure he knows this), you should definitely bring it out in conversation… You should not have to wonder what his problem is… He isn’t behaving normally and as his wife, you deserve to know.
to me it sounds like it isn’t just sex that you want….what you really want is to have that closeness that you once had…..you need to see if he will be willing to go to marriage counseling so that you can get to the bottom of why he is doing this…..if he refuses, then leave for a week or two (stay with a friend or family) and if that doesn’t open his eyes and make him realize that he isn’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated, then you will need to leave him and find somebody who actually deserves you.
I am so sorry you are going through this, but hopefully things will work out for you.
I am sorry to hear that.
Give him sometime off.
One month or two.
maybe he is depress been unemployed and all.
If after two months he does not initiate sex, you make an app. with a marriage counselor and tell him the day and time to be there.
Definitely something is going on with him.
He has a serious problem, and should see an MD and a counselor in that order. It also sounds like grounds for an annulment. But if you want one, you have to do it now. I would not be patient with this at all. It sounds like he has serious psychological issues.
He has to be tested, not for sexual problems, but for emotional and behavioral disorder. He has serious stuff going on. I think depression is under there, and the closeness to mama means he is very immature under it all, and insecure. He married his mother, the one in charge. You do not have a partner, but a son, I fear to tell you. Help him grow up and leave mama. It will scare him a lot, but he must be his own man and you his living wife. Be gentle. Otherwise, they will both eventually destroy you should you ever give birth. That kid will be targeted by grandma as her own and you will be the enemy. I’VE See en this exact scenario before lots of times. Hubby MUST get help now!! You too for marrying this jerk. Don:t mix UPI his being sweet with the fact his is mentally a young boy.
Thats too bad – maybe he is gay, and marriage is just a cover? Does he look at porn?
Leave that loser. Tell him sex isn’t every thing but it is some thing.