I miss my baby siblings, but cant stand my mom?

What should i do?!?
Ok. My mom lives on her own 2 hours from where i live. She lives with my 4 younger half siblings, and 1 younger half brother. They are currently 1 month, 2, 3, 3, and6.
I love them to death.
My step dad (their father) passes away in a freak accident half a year ago. I loved and respected him too, but it seems he was slightly the reason i rarely got to see my siblings.
This year, ive been seeing them as much as i can. I even gave up my summer so i could be with them, and i got to watch my baby sister be born. I love them all to death and would do anything for them. they are my ******* life.
I would give anything to be able to see them EVERY single day.
Heres the problem.
My mom.
I lived with her up until i was 14. She is the reason i moved in with my dad. She would accuse me of sleeping with my step dad (which was completely NOT true!! like, i was so shocked when she first started that), told me when my baby sister died that she wished it was me instead of her, would come to me telling me she wanted to die and that nobody cared about her… she started that when i was young. And while i was up there for the summer she started guilt tripping me to stay for good! saying stuff like oh their dad left, and now your just going to leave them too
she tried taking full advantage of me with the kids, telling me like 5 min before she left that she would gone for the day.
the other thing is, im still greiving over my step dads death and she knows that. but she constantly brings up how she met a guy today
and how he is sooo cute. I cant take it. She also has a thing for younger guys… like in my dating range! well kind of. Like, closer to my age than hers. Ive told her i dont want to hear it but keeps going on about it.
Plus im worried for their safety. Shes a single mom, and 5 kids is ALOT of stress. When she was stressed when me and my other brothers were younger, she wasnt the nicest of people.
I also dont want them getting emotionally abused by her like me and my brothers did. We left home at an early age(14,13,12) to live elsewhere because we couldnt take it.
Like, the only things that are holding me back from constantly being in my sibs lives are that, my friends, and my fam down here.
I miss them like crazy, but i cant deal with my mom. i love her, but cannot stand living with her.
what should i do? i dont want to miss out on them growing up 🙁
should i just suck it up and move in there?
im 18 btw… i only have my g1 (beginners) so i cant drive on my own for about 4 more months.

That’s a tough situation.

I kind of am in the same boat.

I left my dad’s when I was sixteen and moved in with my boyfriend.

I am eighteen now and still live with my b.f.

We don’t live far from my dad and step mom and my little brother and my step moms kids, who are like siblings to me.

I used to be so close to them, I knew everything that was going on in there lives always.

No that I have left I have only seen them like less then ten times.

I don’t know anything a bout them anymore.

Visit as much as you can.

Deal with your mom, Because you can take a break from it all when ever you want.

They do need you.

If your mom wasn’t the best mom when you were young then do them a favor and be around and try to make things better.

Don’t give up on them, but don’t let her try to guilt you into doing something you don’t want to do.

Your an adult now, she has no power over you.

Learn that, and just be there as much as you can.

Good Luck!!!!

I would not move in with her. You will end up doiing everything in that household with little praise. Also, it is time for her to stop having babies. It looks like she has had at least 9 or 10.

Im sorry for your lost…. im sure its hard to make up your mind… but if you love them and want to be with them give it a chance…. for there sake…. maybe your mom will change having you around…I wish you the best and good luck… god bless!!

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