She’s only aggressive with children her own age. She tends to respect adults and older children.
When I am around she doesn’t show any aggression, the occasional slip up where she shoves something in my face.
Facts about my family:
I don’t spank.. I’ve caught her father acting a little aggressive with her, like grabbing her by her arms and throwing her on the bed. I’ve also witnessed him shoving her in the carseat with this monsterous angry face. He’s also tapped her out of anger, or grabbed her.
Me and and her father live together and we are constantly arguing, but we never get aggressive with each other. When she says stop.. we usually stop arguing.
My method of discipline is saying NO and timeout.
His method is constantly bitching at her and grabbing her by the arms and relocating her.
There is no in between with me and him.. he in my opinion over does it. And yea, I tend to let her get away with a lot of stuff.
The daycare teacher suggested spanking, since timeout wasn’t working.
I’m a desperate mother.
Many times there are antecedents or little red flags (over tired &: rubbing eyes, hungry, bored &: getting antsy, etc.) prior to a tantrum happening. If you can spot what those are before the tantrum occurs, then you’re more likely to be successful in redirecting their behavior by addressing what you’re picking up on and re-communicating your expectations for them again, praising their good behaviors (even if small) and giving them plenty of reminders (reminders more so for the under 5 age frame). Children tend to learn best through repetition with a consistent parenting style. ItвЂ™s normal to feel overwhelmed when it comes to repeating yourself over and over but itвЂ™s a crucial part of their learning development.
Probably one of the most important teaching opportunities for parents is with modeling. During a tantrum, it’s best to give them space, ignore them completely that way they cannot get the attention they’re seeking. Trying to approach and correct a child who’s in the middle of a tantrum doesn’t do anyone any good because the message is lost in the ":drama": of the situation. If they can find a couple different ways to cope with their anger or anxiety through healthy means then you will be way ahead of the game.
When delivering consequences to your child, it’s important to make sure the consequence would have an effect on the child, is applied immediately after the tantrum has stopped, is appropriate and proportionate in its severity and hopefully related to the child’s behavior. Also, try to keep in mind that if you’re using the same consequences repeatedly then eventually the consequence will become ineffective. Here are a few negative consequences for you to try, if you haven’t already, that don’t only relate to taking things away or having time outs. For instance, when your child behaves inappropriately (ex. trouble sharing, picking up toys, poor boundaries, etc.) then have their consequence be to ":redo": the behavior in the appropriate manner. You will need to demonstrate and model the correct behavior for them, then have them practice it. All the while it’s important to try and keep a positive attitude when correcting your child, as much as possible. Then follow up their practicing of the behavior with a rationale or brief reason as to why it’s important to do the correct behavior and not the bad one (relative to their age). After the child practices it, it’s important to give lots of praise and affection. You could even start a reward system that they could build on, where the rewards focus on family time, fun activities (like the zoo, park, movies, sports, coloring, etc.) instead of materialistic gain (like toys). They will probably need to practice several times, and that’s okay, in fact that’s an important aspect. The thing to keep in mind is if they’re willing to work on it and try then that’s most important. Their skills (including social skills in school) will improve with positive reinforcement, support and lots of practice.
Another way to deliver a negative consequence is to have the child ":undo": the bad behavior. For example, if the child colors on the wall, the appropriate reaction would be to clearly explain why that’s not okay, have them clean the markings off the wall with your assistance and then provide an alternative activity for them to do after they’ve finished cleaning. Finally, there’s a lot to be said for proactive teaching. This means you would set aside some time, maybe 15 min. each day, depending on what it is you want to address or focus on. Hopefully you would have time to prepare a fun yet simple activity that teaches them the appropriate social skills and coping strategies through the use of an activity. Or try role-playing certain scenarios for them, focusing on the correct behavior. Repetition and practice are key concepts when trying to modify a child’s behavior, including when teaching them replacement behaviors.
For additional ideas or information, I’m recommending a couple of fantastic books that you might want to look into. These books have received a lot of positive feedback from readers.
The first title is: ":Common Sense Parenting of Toddlers and Pre Schoolers":, by Ray Burke, and Bridget Barnes.
The second book is called: ":1-2-3 Magic": Effective Discipline for children 2-12. 3rd Edition by: Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D (winner of the National Parenting Publications Gold Award).
There are also a couple websites that you may want to check out. The first one is: http://www.copingskills4kids.net/ and the second one is: http://www.parenting.org/
I also encourage you to call the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000 anytime 24/7, if you’re looking for advice, just a listening ear or want to find resources in your area. Good luck and all the best to you and your family……Counselor JH.
this is my personal opinion. she looks at her father as a form of power in which she is using some of the methods he uses as disipline to feel powerful ver younger children. i believe at 2 there should be a warning and explain what will happen if rules broken. iam like you spanking is harsh although there are times when necessary. but time out in thier room alone on thier bed no toys sometimes to a child is worse than any spanking
my daughter is also aggressive, and spanking does not help. on a couple of occasions i have caught myself going to grab her and put her somewhere else, and usually it just causes a larger fuss. however if my daughter hits i will give her a little tap on the hands (not hitting, just a light smack on the fingers), say no hitting ___________(insert name here), and send her to time out. after she comes out of time out i tell her why i spanked her fingers and put her in time out. she usually answers me why then apologises to me and the child or person she hit. it works miracles. even without the spanking of the fingers.