My husband always complains about me being a stay at home mother. We have a 3 yr old daughter and a son who just turned 1 in August. I feel like I am doing the right thing by raising my children myself while my husband goes to work. He works a full time job but when he is off work he is off and doesn’t have to do anything else after 5pm or on the weekends. I am always busy doing things with the house and the kids and I never get an off day. He doesn’t do anything around the house at all! And I am serious, NOTHING he doesn’t even take out the trash and barely even cleans up after himself. He rarely helps out with the kids(I don’t think playing for 5 minutes counts as helping). He thinks that I should be able to raise the kids, do the laundry, keep the house clean and go to work everyday too. I don’t even have a car to go to work in, we share a car and he always has it with him at work. I also feel that if I went to work I would have to put both children in daycare and that would take most of my paycheck each week. I just want an opinion from others(male and female) about if they agree with him. I’m not going to pass judgment and I really want to hear some honest answers from others.
Your husband sounds like a selfish moron. I think you two need to sit down and list the pros and cons of you going back to work. I’m 33 weeks pregnant, on bedrest and therefore not working. Even so, my husband still helps me with the housework. That’s what marriage is: a 50/50 partnership. Also, I don’t have a car either but you can bank that when I go back to work it won’t be until I have one. Honestly. If you’re not working now then I can see how MOST (most not all) of the housework is yours, but he should still help with stuff and realize that raising 2 kids is like having 2 full time jobs in itself, especially when they are that young. He should also want to spend more time with his kids!
":So is having an extra $75 a week really worth the time away from my children. I don’t think so.":
I do. He does.
Interesting how you not working is what you want.
$75/wk * 50 wk/yr = $3,750.
How much money is in your bank account right now?
Money that is not already allocated for a bill or expense?
i.e. How much is ":free and clear":?
Do you have 3 months worth of expenses saved up?
The real value lost in you not working, as any Feminist will tell you, is the lost experience.
This is why you become ":entitled": to alimony when you decided you shouldn’t work (which is a horribly abusive thing to do to your husband.)
Each year you work you make more money, learn more things, move up.
Even if you work at Little Caesars or Star Bucks for minimum wage now, within a few years you could be a manager. Now you’re making $10, $12, $15/hr.
So each year you delay starting means another year before you make more money.
You didn’t go to college, so what are you going to do?
Are you going to college now?
Are you going to wait until? when? The kids start Kindergarten?
That’s in 5 years. Plus 4~5 years of education plus time to find a job.
So you’re not going to work for ten years?
And have $100k in student loans when you do?
How are you going to pay for you children’s college education?
You only pay for expensive daycare while they are really young.
Each year the first 3 it cost less. Once they start school it cost less.
In ten years you don’t need daycare at all, you’ll have a teenager at home with a 10yo.
They’re fine for an hour or so on their own.
yo yo $/hr $/yr daycare/yr $/yr after taxes
1 3 7.25 14500 10000 4500 3375
2 4 7.25 14500 10000 4500 3375
3 5 7.25 14500 10000 4500 3375
4 6 10 20000 7500 12500 9375
5 7 10 20000 7500 12500 9375
6 8 10 20000 5000 15000 11250
7 9 10 20000 5000 15000 11250
8 10 10 20000 5000 15000 11250
9 11 12 24000 5000 19000 14250
10 12 12 24000 5000 19000 14250
You are deciding you don’t need $90k.
There is a book called ":The Total Money Maker Over": by David Ramsey that you may wish to read.
It’s pretty simple. It’s a bit religious. But the focus is on money and how not to suck at it.
":Offer to swap roles for a week, I’m sure that would stop him moaning!":
No *****. SAHx is the easiest ":job": on the planet.
You take care of yourself, your house, your kids, on your schedule.
You have all day, every day, to handle your responsibilities.
In a real job, you have to put someone else’s interest before your own and do someone else’s bidding, that’s why they have to pay you to do it. Then, when you get home, you still have to do all those things you previously had all day to do.
SAHM is a *gift* from a successful man and you dare suggest you swap roles and see how he ":likes it":?
I have done all three, just stayed home, just worked, and been a single father.
Single parenting, and I mean single parenting, working and taking care of the children and home, not sitting on your *** and collecting child-support, is a lot of work.
Just working is easy.
Just staying home is far-and-away the easiest.
Man those were good times. I wish I could just stay home and take care of things around the house and play with the kids. the neighbor kids would come over, play in the sand box together, grill-out, drink some beer, and chill with the sprinkler on. ZOMG, I have to rotate the laundry, 5 whole MINUTES of work I have to do. That was soooo hard. Chill for an hour now.
ZOMG sand! /on the floor!!!/ Whatever shall I do! Whoa is me!
Oh wait, I have another machine that sucks **** off the floor so I don’t even have to bend over to clean this. Wow, hard. Seconds of work. Perhaps over an entire minute.
Vacations are more stressful and more work than that. That’s the damned truth.
Yet these bitches still complain about easier-than-vacation lives.
Your husband is extremely selfish and apparently not a very good parent. The question of putting your kids in daycare is not just about the money, it’s about the wellbeing of the children themselves. Children who grow up in a family environment generally turn out better than those who are stuck in daycares and such and never form a real bond with their parents. When your children get older, and both go to a full day school, then maybe consider getting a job while they’re not home. For now, your place is at home with the kids. And if you want to shut up your husband, trade places for a week. See how HE likes it.
For all the naysayers….
Your husband is a jerk…. You carried those children for 9 months each, clean his house, and do whatever else to provide a nice environment for your family. I commend you on that. A lot of people (especially men), tend to think that because they work 40hrs a week, and pay things while the other one works from dusk until dawn cleaning, grocery shopping, and taking care of the kids entitles them to have the power. You both are giving a fair trade in my opinion, and he shouldn’t be unappreciative. To pay strangers to watch your children when there is no need is ridiculous! My boyfriend and I live together, both work, and he seems to think I should do the majority of the housework…. We don’t have kids, but if we did I would do the same thing you’re doing.
Not to be rude but I think women now days are just lazy! This sounds just like my aunt. I would like to hear from the single mothers that do hold it down on their own without welfare. You think being a stay at home mom is hard???? Try working full time going to school full time and taking care of a 4 yr old by yourself. No help included. My sons father passed away so their is no arguement. Women are alot stronger then they give themselves credit for. Your husband would help more if you helped him make the money.
There’s no way daycare would take most of your paycheck.
Housewifery is a scam. You’re on call more, but the total hours of work is that of a part time job. Especially as the kids grow.
You need to talk to him calmly and make him understand that household work is not easy. You can go to work but then he has to share all the responsibilities at home.
for ages 3 and 1 it is better for you to stay at home. you can try to work when they are 6 and 5 (in school.)
he is probably too stressed to think logically.
what u are dong is the correct thing…babies need their mothers..
they need to feel her warmth and tender loving care…
dot ever u leave me to go to work…they need all the attention u can give them..
u wil reap what u sow later on in life..when they are well mannered, satisfied ,psychologically stable ,..balanced people late on in life
Offer to swap roles for a week, I’m sure that would stop him moaning!