I am married for nearly more than 1 and half years and i am pregnant now. I recently caught my husband cheating on me, made a new account in a social networking site without telling me and added all beautiful girls and he is chatting with them every day… To check him i made a fake ID and added him as friend, he started to flirt with me too and doing sex chat also. I am even financially dependent on my husband, now iam confused wht should i do.. I feel to leave him forever but i have family pressure also. please help i cannot see him cheating on me.. even if i scold him he will tell sorry and do this again with other ID …. What should i do should i leave him or forgive him pls help
hey, I am an Indian too so I understand about family pressure things. But how old are you, I think you should take up a job and be independent first.
First step – Whether he allows you or not, its not safe for you to be dependent on him, so first of all get a job, make any excuse of getting job but get it by hook or crook, even if its 5 k job or just a receptionist job, just start with it. Make a resume and post it to some websites like naukri.com, monster.com and search for local placement agents and get help in finding job
Second step – while you are finding job or starting job, your second step is to get a proof of him cheating on you without him knowing. First, don’t tell him very first that you know he is cheating on you, act smart, first of all get all proof, like save his chatting, video and audio recordings, do it very smartly that he don’t come to know you are gathering proofs. Also get some proof about his income, for eg: statement of his or yours joint accounts etc., xerox of his salary slip, etc. okay. Gather as much proof as you can. P.S. – the gathering of proofs is for safety of you, so that incase if matter goes to divorce, then you have to prove on which grounds you want divorce and all this proof might help you getting maintenance from him, since he is a cheater, you deserve to get divorce and maintainance from him if you want. Also sometimes this inlaws are hell, in order to prove their son innocent, they might try to point finger on your character if matter goes to family, so in such situations you will have proof to prove ur relatives that u’r innocent and ur husband is cheater
(personal experience from such inlaws) So try to gather proof in a smart way without him knowing.
Third step:- Now, try warning him once, and see if he is improving. But keep a watch on him. Do u think dog’s tail can be straight. But give him one chance. Don’t fight, but try to emotionally blackmail him and guilt trip him for all that he is doing but don’t let him know you have gathered proof against him. If possible ask your husband to go for counselling, convince him for counselling, if things don’t work out then politely talk to your family and inlaws and some neutral relatives and ask them to involve in it and give some suggestions to your husband and then see if there is any improvement. Meanwhile whether he improves or not, its not safe for you to be dependent on this men so get a job anyway.
Fourth step – if things are improving then well and good, but if he doesn’t improve and you sense that he’s still cheating on you, then you have to gather all the courage, have to trust god and put your foot down. Remember, you already gathered proof against him, but chat proof isn’t enough, so also while you confront him about his cheating get audio/video recordings or some better proof, also while any family meetings happens in such case or when you go for counseling (if possible) then at that time too try getting recording of his voice. If you don’t have mobile, then talk to your parents and ask them to spend a bit to buy u good mobile and ask them to keep it secret, and install recording software in mobile. While you have some proof, it will be easy for you to file a divorce and get divorce and maintanance from this men. However, filing divorce, making chakkar of court isn’t easy, maybe it might take 2-3 years but keep courage, finally you will get justice. And even if not, don’t get shattered, all experience in life will make you stronger. And don’t worry, we have many women supporting laws in our country. You can take help of some local women’s organisations and any good lawyer too. If you have any legal questions regarding divorce, then you can ask in ":Law &: Ethics": category under ":Politics and government": in yahoo answers and also there is one site to get free legal advice for indians is www.lawyersclubindia.com And there is one more family forum especially for Indian ladies www.indusladies.com You can post your problem there too, there many indian ladies who also have troubled married life and bad relation with inlaws will help you. Just go through this website indusladies and see in ":married life": and ":relationship with inlaws": category under forums and read the posts of other ladies who are in worst situations even then you. You will also get best help from there too. When you read others posts you will get mental strength that your problem is much smaller than others. Life of Indian women nowadays is hard, but now that we women are educated and ppl have become open to divorce and second marriage, some things are easy too. So look at positive side. Good Luck!
in ma opinion give him a chance nd forgive him . . . . Ek bar to hm kisiko b maf kar sakte hain iske baad b agar o dobara repeat karte hain u should leave him
I’d be gone, but that’s me…I have a hard time forgiving people who go to great lengths to disrespect me…
ohh dis fu@king social networking site…
they are ruining relationship…
now just make a straight talk with him…
If he will not change his behavior file a suit against him.
I recommend the CB3000 male chastity device. Google it, and you’ll see why.
Did he stick his pecker in the USB port?, the electric socket?, the disk drive? Where’s the cheating?
End with him definantly if he does that then he is not worth you 🙂
You will have to stay with him. You will not make it on your own