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what is your favorite blonde joke?


i know i am asking for it but i am a smart blonde and i can take it plus i need the laughs

Hi Debbie
Because your felling sad i know you won’t report me for these …

How do you kill a blonde?…..
Scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

How did the blond explain how her helicopter crashed?
She said it was getting cold, so she turned off the ceiling fan.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.

SNARF!

What’s the advantage of being married to a blond?
You can park in handicapped zones.

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.

How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
It is the one with the kickstand.

Where do you look for blonds’ obituaries?
Under &quot:Home Improvements.&quot:

Did you hear about the blond who thought she discovered that
she had a twin brother?
She didn’t realize he was looking in a mirror.

Did you hear about the blond who never learned to water ski?
She couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

Why couldn’t the blond bob for apples?
Her sister was using the toilet.

A blond is going to London on a plane: how can you steal her
window seat?
Tell her all seats going to London are in the middle row.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.

Why don’t blonds have elevator jobs?
They don’t know the route.

Did you hear about the blond who just bought an A.M. radio?
It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Did you hear about the blonde who couldn’t wait to see 20,000
leagues under the sea?
She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there
were so many teams.

Why did the blond stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

What does a postcard from a blonde’s vacation say?
Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

Why do blonds have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first.

Why did the blond scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blond tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So he wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

Why did the blond get so excited after he finished the jigsaw
puzzle in only six months?
Because on the box, it said &quot:From 2-4 years.&quot:

Did you hear about the blond who shot an arrow into the air?
He missed.

A young blonde, wanted a pair of alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
&quot:I’ll just catch my own alligator,&quot: she told one shopkeeper,&quot: so I can get a pair of shoes for free.
Later the shopkeeper drove home. He spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou,
shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in. She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes. The shopkeeper watched in amazement
as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
&quot:Darn!&quot: the blonde shouted in dismay. &quot:This one isn’t wearing any shoes either!&quot:

A blonde goes to get her hair cut. The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, &quot:How do you like it?&quot: The blonde says, &quot:It’s okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?&quot:

There is a blonde who goes into a store and says, &quot:Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?&quot: The guy said, &quot:No, I don’t sell anything to blondes.&quot: So the blonde goes home colors her hair red and goes back to the store. She says, &quot:Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?&quot: He says, &quot:I don’t sell anything to blondes.&quot: So the blonde goes home, colors her hair pitch black and goes back. She says, &quot:Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?&quot: He says,&quot: No I don’t sell anything to blondes.&quot: She says, &quot:How do you know I’m a blonde?&quot: He says, &quot:Only a blonde would think a microwave is a T.V.&quot:

A blond gets tired of it all and dyes her hair. She’s now a brunette and feels *much* smarter. Everyone tells her she’s smarter. So she goes for a drive in the country one day and stops in a lane which is blocked by a herd of sheep. She gets out, talks to the farmer and says, &quot:If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?&quot: He looks perplexed but says, &quot:Sure.&quot: So she says, “Uh….157?&quot: He says, &quot:My God, that’s correct. Take a sheep. So she wanders among the herd. She likes this one and that one and finally is very attracted to one that wags its tail and likes her. She picks it up and puts in it the car. The farmer says, &quot:Can I make a deal with you?&quot: &quot:Sure,&quot: says she. He says, &quot:If I can guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?&quot:

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She’s just skating along in her Lycra pants, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman. She decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, &quot:I need a haircut.&quot: The hairdresser checks her out and says, &quot:OK, sit down and

There is a blonde a brunette and a red head, and they are all in 3rd grade
Who has the biggest breasts?

The blonde does, she’s 18

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

&quot:You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.&quot:

(another one i like is…)

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

&quot:Six please&quot: she said, &quot:I could never eat twelve!&quot:

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are sipping tea and discussing their pregnancies.

The brunette says, &quot:My baby’s going to be a boy.&quot: The blonde asks, &quot:How do you know?&quot: The brunette says, &quot:Because when we did it, my husband was on top.&quot:

The red head then says, &quot:My baby’s going to be a girl.&quot: The blonde asks, &quot:How do you know?&quot: The red head says, &quot:Because when we did it, I was on top.&quot:

The blonde starts crying hysterically. When her friends finally calm her down, they ask her why she was crying. The blonde says, &quot:My baby’s going to be a puppy.&quot:

What do you call a blonde with one brain cell?
Pregnant!

Why does a blonde write &quot:TGIF&quot: on all of her shoes?
It stands for Toes Go In First

My blonde joke– I married one.She’s standing over me with the rolling pin too.

If all the blondes in the world were laid end to end, what would you have? The best possible opportunity to bury them all with a bulldozer.

i dont like any of them….i am blonde too!
but i am a smart blonde

Good morning Debby..
I posted this one a while back,it is one of my favorites though.
A blonde was asked why she kept empty beer bottles in her refrigerator.
&quot:Duh!’She answered.&quot:They’re for my friends who don’t drink!&quot:

ok well a blonde brunette and red head get caught by the police and hide in a barn and hide inside a Potatoes sack. The police come to the barn
Police Officer kicks the bag with the Brunette in it
Brunette says &quot:WHOOF!&quot:
Police Officer: &quot:oh its just a stupid dog&quot:
Police officer kicks with da with red head in it
Red Head Says: &quot:MEOW!&quot:
Police Officer: &quot:Oh its just a stupid cat&quot:
Police officer kicks the bad with the Blonde in it
Blonde: &quot:POTATOES!&quot:

LOl get it? They hid inside a sack of potatoes lol

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